Forgive and Forget

Friends or rather enemies, are very well aware that I am not a forgiving person. Once I am annoyed or pissed – depending on gravity of the annoyance and also, affections I have for that person, it would be very hard for me to be nice to the person again.

Unlike my sister, who is ever gracious and nice (hence being bullied by me.. err.. I mean others), I am a total bitch when it comes to forgiving.

Just the other day, my sis was telling me about introducing her uni-mate to a good friend of ours. I looked at her, horrified.

This girl once stole my sister’s ideas by copying the entire assignment and presented it to the class as her own. When the lecturer gave her good remarks, she didn’t even bat an eyelid, acknowledging it with pride. When the lecturer asked, who would like to present next, this bitch cold heartedly suggested my sister by calling her name out loud. My sister was fuming mad as she had to think of another idea and then, excused herself to be given another day to prepare her paper.

My sis could put the past behind just like that and she even helped this bitch when she was heart broken. This bitch’s motorbike got stranded somewhere along the highway because she attempted to ride her old rickety motorbike all the way to Johor from Seri Kembangan to meet the boyfriend when he jilted her over the phone. My sis hired a van and drove all the way to the highway to pick her up.

Yes. My sister is very kind but utterly stupid. I hope karma would work for her for all the nice things that she had done for people who totally don’t deserve it.

I wonder which chromosomes in her body which is twisted that she is THIS nice and I, on the other hand, a total monster. Or maybe, I am the twisted one here. Sigh.

When I spoke to her about the bitch’s past wrong doings towards her, she was stunned and she said, she couldn’t really recollect the incident – I could swear she was fuming when she related this story to me some 6 years ago and I, having a mammoth brain for storing useless things; absorbed the very essence of the incident and remember it for life – on behalf of her. Never ever wrong a woman – especially women with high storage space memory for useless and inane things like me.

Last Sunday, when I was in KLCC having coffee with some chums, we bumped into someone whom I had a tiff with a few months ago. She actually didn’t wrong me directly. She was merely being a bitch to another friend of mine and I took this matter very personally. Come to think about it, she did wrong me directly – she tried to screw up my birthday party.

After a few e-mails of listing down all the wrong doings, denials and baseless accusation on her part, I decided to cut all ties with her.

There she was, with her children when I least expected it. I remained calm and talked like normal with my friends. Being unforgiving and quite anal about it, you guys would have expected drama. If you do so, you would be disappointed.

When she was about to leave the coffee shop, she tapped me on my shoulder to say hello and we exchanged some pleasantries cordially.

I was actually quite surprise with myself. When I was younger and not to mention, stupid, I would probably pretend that I didn’t know her and tried to embarrass her in public or walked away from the coffee joint the moment she came in. Since I am not longer childish and stupid, I flashed her a smile and waved good bye.

We even  ended up watching the same movie too. LOL. Not sitting together lah, of course. Phew.

During the whole episode of sitting in coffee with her presence a few tables away, my mind was running wild – relating back to the old e-mails we hurled at each other. I find it utterly stupid and useless.

Even if she refuses to admit her mistakes due to her bad attitude (or failing memory), I should have been more forgiving and explain to her nicely, even if she did say the nastiest things during the spur of the moment because she was in a terrible mood. Everyone has their bad days. It depends on how one deal with their problems.

I told a friend today – sometimes people said things that they don’t mean to say. They are merely expressing their discontent when they are in a dire state and by no means to hurt someone in the process, albeit accidentally.

I don’t know but I somehow felt bad for not continuing to be her friend when she needs a listening ear the most. I have empathy for her and already tried my best to guide her when she was lost or being taken granted or abused by her so called “friends”. Unfortunately, her over protectiveness over her pride and also her incomprehensible obsession over certain things rendered her an outcast among our friends.

I am not saying that I am turning into a softie here. I am still very anal about granting forgiveness. But I hope, somewhere along the way, when I have time to sit down and reflect upon it, I would finally realize that it would be much, much more easier if I could just learn how to forgive and forget.

14 Responses to “Forgive and Forget”

  1. Fat Peter Parker Says:

    You are nicer than you always claimed you are not la…

    Want to see the meaner one, look at me!

  2. anigma Says:

    Fat Peter Parker: LOL. What a nick! The moment I see it, I knew its you liao. Hahahah. I am nice when I am not provoked lah. Provoke me and see, then you might not like me and you will concur I am a bitch. :p

  3. tak kasi Says:

    i think yr sis is not “stupid” or naive. i m pretti sure she has a very sincere personality which ought to be carried on. it’s like ‘loving the enemy kinda situation’ …who says it is not right?

    i think she is someone who ought to be looked up to. Tabik!

  4. asme Says:

    Why avoid your enemies? Always keep them closest to you. Just be cordial or nice doesn’t mean that you have to like someone. He! He!

  5. FireHorse Says:

    Apa lah lu, first you sign kleio’s fren, then become anigma, then become gina, my kepala pusing adylah, I blur blur go welkam you again, in my kopitiam komen lol.

  6. FireHorse Says:

    I think it comes down to this, we find it hard to pretend, I mean there are people out there who can, after a quarrel, act like your best friend the next time they meet you but then behind you they will bad mouth you, for me I kenot for the life of me act nice if I dun like that person, I just stand far far away.

  7. zing Says:

    Yeah, but to store that much “hate” is not good for the soul or the emotional well being. Better just to “forgive”, but not “forgot” (of course, the ideal is like your sister, “forgive and forget”). Dwell on the good things, don’t dwell on the bad things. Makes for a happier life. :P (I know, easier said than done, but strive for it, at least I try……).

  8. anigma Says:

    tak kasi: Probably lah. But I still find she’s very stupid for being overly forgiving.. nobody is this good already. I think she should have been a saint.

    asme: You are right! Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Hehehhe. Yeah, we can be nice to them – that doesn’t mean we have to like them!

    Firehorse: LOL.. sorry lah babe. Hahhaha. I am very fickled minded in putting which nick. Same lah. If I don’t like a person, I will just avoid them rather than putting up with it. We all women have fair share of back stabbers as friends. Sometimes, I wish we could just behave like men. They just don’t care.

    Zing: I don’t really store “hate” in me. Just some ill feelings. I know it’s not good either. Yes, I am trying to be like my saintly sister.

  9. yuin Says:

    frus bar bar..?

  10. anigma Says:

    Yuin: Ah?

  11. yuin Says:

    anger management.

  12. anigma Says:

    Well, I haven’t start cat fight or hitting ppl yet. So I guess, it’s not necessary. I should stop remembering my grudges .. as well as other people’s grudges!

  13. Kleio da Muse Says:

    Wow, your sis is one of a kind. I am quite like her in a way, but not as saintly tho. I am the type: You bite me once – I am keeping an eye on you.

    To simply forget everything wrong done to you is not wise. We are meant to learn from our past mistakes and in a way protect ourselves. Don’t lah be like… “Oh, you’ve slapped me on my right cheek. Come slap me on my left cheek too.” That’s plain stupid.

    I might be forgetful and forgiving, but I do make it a point to tread carefully with someone who has wronged me. To me, everyone has the capability to make mistakes, even our self; it also means that we/they themselves have the capability to make right what is wrong. So, it’s only fair to give second chances. If I expect a chance of redemption from others, I myself have to be ready to give this chance to others too. This friend of yours was given this chance of redemption by you but had chosen pride over friendship than to admit to her faults enough to apologize.

    Learning to forgive is a good thing. It’s good for your soul and health too (yeah, less stress this way). There’s no need to be burden by all these grudges, life is already full of trials and tribulations to begin with. It would serve us better to surround ourselves with things to rejoice in rather than to frown upon.

  14. anigma Says:

    Kleio: God is a weird dude. He should just give some of her forgivingness to me, so I would learn to forgive people. Rather than letting ppl step all over her. Yes. I know being forgiving is a very noble thing to do. Afterall, holding peace is easier than holding grudges.

    Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

    If I want to hold a hot coal, I make sure I wear protective gloves. LOL.

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