Uniform Dilemma

Gone are the days of tea lady and cleaning lady. No more ridiculous colors of baby shit yellow and smurf blue. No more making mistakes of which day to wear which colours. Currently, we have to wear yellow blazers on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays and blue blazers on Wednesdays. Fridays are smart casuals. Whoever came out with such a genius idea ought to be shot dead – colors selection, design, and which day to wear which colors – guilty at charge on all counts! No more suffering from heat stroke whenever the air conditioners in office are not functioning (which is quite frequent)!

The new uniform

I am glad that this time we could opt for pants instead of skirts. I waddled like a duck in skirt and it’s super unsightly! Uniform this time, comes with blouses. Blazers are reserved for monthly assembly only! Cool!

One good thing about working in a firm which provides uniforms – you don’t have to hurt your brain thinking of petty things like what to wear the next day. Not that I have much choice of clothing. I recheck my wardrobe and was horrified that I actually paraded in shocking flowery clothes which made me look like Ah Soh at such young age. Ahem. Whoever wants free maternity clothes, feel free to contact me.

The flip side is you cannot afford to put on weight the next 2 years (this office changes new uniforms every 2 years). If you lose weight – you won’t look nice either. You have to maintain your weight and size. I had tried the uniform today and it’s already too tight at the underarm area and way too short. Shit! I look like a blardy penguin. My sis mocked  that I have put on weight over the past 4 months. Luckily the uniforms are subject to alteration.

Geez. I need to lose some weight seriously. But everyone complained about the blazer being too tight, especially the underarm area. So I guess it’s the whole office problem and not only mine… okay okay… I am not going to give any excuse anymore. I will lose weight. I am going to lose weight.

Ulterior Motives

I don’t like people with ulterior motives.

A school friend called me after 5 years of silence since we completed SPM. The first thing that hit my mind was, he might be getting married. But marrying at age 23 would be a bit too early – we have yet to complete college or university at that time.

He called me numerous times at my house, then my parents gave him my mobile phone since I was NEVER at home – due to college, part time job and also demanding social life. Heh! Handphones were expensive then.

He called me when I was in Malacca.

Me: Hello?

Him: Hey, it’s me! How are you?

Me: Oh.. I am okay… Wait a minute. Cut the crap please. What do you want?

Him: Wah.. as frank as ever ah!

Me: Well, you know me. After so many years you never bother to call or go out to have teh tarik with us at mamak, what makes you call me after 5 years? Are you in some insurance business? Direct selling or are you getting married? Or all of the above?

Him: Hahahah!! You are unbelievable lah!! Ok.. I just want to know whether you are interested in this business proposal…

Me: Is it Amway?

Him: How you know ah??

Me: Well, my dad is in Amway. And when you mention business proposal only, I know it’s Amway. Don’t waste your breath. BYEEEEEEEEEE.

*Clack*

I would have reacted differently if he had been a genuine friend for the last five years and not to call me only when he wanted something.

A few months ago, another friend came back from abroad and wanted to meet up. I was elated that she called. We set a meeting immediately but, it was at awkward hours. She asked if I could pick her up from the bus station at 6 am on a Sunday morning, since she would be away for an island retreat and needed someone to pick her up upon her return. I obliged as I have not seen her in more than a year.
We chatted a bit over dim sum breakfast and chatted till 10 am before I sent her off to the train station to get to her brother’s place to collect her luggage. Knowing that she is totally ignorant about how the road systems work, I would not want to take chances of getting lost at nowhere and waste time and petrol unnecessarily.

Then, we decided to meet the second time after her numerous engagements before she goes back to Australia. I suggested that we meet one Sunday morning since I would be free. I suggested having another round of dim sum before she flies. She said she would think about it.

The unbelievable happened. She called to ask if after having our dim sum, is it alright for me to fetch her to KLIA to collect her parcels. I was dumb founded by her request. Don’t get me wrong. I am okay to help people if asked. It also depends on how good the relationship between me and the person concerned.

For me, this request is a little off my league as I myself do not even send my own family members to the airport. Usually, they would either get their own cab or sometimes, they would take train or bus to Sentral and I would pick them up from Sentral instead of asking me to drive all the way to the airport. I stay in Selayang, for God’s sake – nowhere near to the bloody airport. And it’s not about a matter of petrol or toll – since she insisted she would pay for it. I don’t send or fetch people from airport. Period.

It was a good thing that I didn’t lose it like I used to. Instead of giving her a piece of my mind, Father’s Day saved the day. I decided to cancel dim sum as it was Father’s Day. At least I don’t have to have dim sum with her and then, pretend I do not feel bad for refusing to fetch her to the airport. Putting myself in her shoes, I believe there are other ways of getting the parcels back instead of driving all the way to the airport. I am sure they have something called the “courier service”. Just pay a little more to get things delivered right to your doorstep!

Then, there was this friend who said, he welcomed me to his clique for travels as I take good shit pictures. Meaning, if I don’t take good shit pictures, I don’t deserve to travel with them? Come on. How about my infectious personality? Or people feeling at ease whenever they are with me? I have better companions to travel with rather than traveling with people who wanted me just because they wanted good shit pictures.

Sometimes I really do not understand why some friends do not have the slightest idea that they hurt you with the things they say or do.

This is the part I hated most. Some friends befriend me because they know they could meet people from my social circle. Well, I can’t blame them. After all, it is human instinct to survive and propagate.

However, I wish they could be more discreet. I simply couldn’t understand why some friends cannot meet the opposite sex without having ulterior motives. To me, be it a trip, lunch, dinner or movie, I always think this is  a way to making new friends or forming new friendship bonds. That is how a social circle is created.

Some friends reacted otherwise. Some felt that they should wear wedding gowns immediately when I told them they were about to meet some boys. And they wonder why they do not have luck with men. And now I know why I prefer gays as friends.

I have stopped doing this mix and match game a long time ago so, please. If you want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, please find your own. If I could solve your problem being a singleton, I would have solved mine many years ago.

Broad Daylight Hypocrisy

This morning’s assembly…

Part of the speech which made me yawned indiscriminately and suffered ear pain for terrible spoken English.. and I bet, this won’t be e-mailed to us like every other assembly’s speech.

“.. you know ah.. later got blood test… you have to do blood test to know if your cholesterol is high… bad and good… if bad got more… then you will get high blood pressure… then you will get stroke…. If you heart beat too much ah…. then you will get heart attack….”

“… now I want to talk about diabetes…. Usually ah… people get it …. Keturunan… you know.. you come out from your parents… so, half of your parents body sugar will go to you…. we know Malaysia a lod of foods…. nasi lemak… teh tarik… a lot of sugah… if you take too much sugah… you will get diabetes… you know if you have a wound in your body, the wound will get bigger…. Then you have to cut your hand.. then cut both your legs….”

“…. Now I want to tell you about liver… liver is detoxify your body… you will get cancer if your body too much toxin…. No alcohol… no smoking… second hand smoking also not good…..sleep is important.. you know or not, from 11 pm to 2 to 3 am, your liver will start to work…. I ask people… people will say, 11 pm ah? The disco baru start…… Haha…. Have to sleep… if no, then cancer…”

Omigod. Someone please get him off the mic, I thought to myself.

It was hilarious as it really happened. He was going on and on about the killer diseases, then his mic was turned off. He went, “Hello? Hello?”

Muahahahahaha….

After the assembly, without the slightest care in the world, everyone happily tucked into their nasi lemak with ayam masak rendang with extra sambal sotong, and washed it all down with teh tarik. The speaker did the same too.

What's In A Name?

Shae: eh i ask u
Shae: how do u spell the name winnie
Me: winnie lor
Shae:i just discovered this name 2 days back n now only got time to ask u
Me: dont tell me some jinjang woman spell winny
Me: or weenie
Me: coz weenie means DICK
Me: hahahaha
Shae: nope, hahahhah
Shae: thank god
Shae: check this spelling
Shae: VINNIEY
Shae: my printer’s staff
Shae: how bout tt
Me: lol
Me: no wonder she is so screwed up
Me: before you tell me
Me: i already have feelings its her
Me: if name also dunno how to spell
Me: dont expect her to even know how to spell normal words lah
Me: lol
Shae:yalor

I really cannot stand people who decide to spell their names as if they are aliens from outerspace.

Vinniey?? Kaniniah lah!

I bet she is some jinjang woman (no offence to people who live in Jinjang but come on…). I bet my ass that anyone who would send her a fax or e-mail or a formal letter would use common sense and address her as Winnie.

Wah.. I really beh tahan these kind of names.

I guess it was caused by the bad influences from Taiwan/ Hong Kong pop artistes. Fish? Fruit? For instance, Vanness from the group F4 – those long hair pussy boys who squeal rather than sing. What kind of name is Vanness? Sounds like Vain Ass to me. He’s damn vain alright. Flicking and always touching his long hair in videos and while singing. Gawd. I am gonna puke.

I know some of you must be thinking, what is wrong with me, going against people with such fucked up names. There – I’ve said it. Fucked up.

Every month, there will be new recruitment of staff. The new colleagues would be brought around the office to introduce themselves. Most of the names I couldn’t really remember – there are about 8,000 people in this organization – and one girl ensure that I won’t forget her name.

Firstly she was introduced as Lai Mun. It’s the same name as another staff in one of our site offices. So I asked, if I could call her surname instead to avoid mistaken identity.

She told me – “No lah. Call surname very formal leh. You can call me Lemon!”

Well, she looks like a lemon to begin with – all rounded and quite sour to look at. I suppressed my snigger and almost choked on my own saliva. I have a bad feeling there would be Apples and Oranges in the future.

I remembered a fellow colleague in a market research firm. Her name is Xanadu. Yeah. That song. She has problems pronouncing her own name. Imagine working in a market research firm, introducing herself on the phone:-

Ms X: Hi. My name is XANADU
Interviewee: ANU?
Ms X: XA-NA-DU
Interviewee: SAINT ANU?
Ms X: ZA-NAAA-DOOOO!!!
Interviewee: Whatever lah. What you want?
Ms X: Oh I am calling from this market research…
Interviewee: …clack clack…. dooot…. doottt…. dooott…
Ms X: hello? hello?

… and she wondered why she couldn’t get her job done.

There is another colleague with the name Chloe. I know. It’s a proper name for a person but it would be making an ass out of yourself if you don’t even know how to pronounce it, right? She introduced herself as “Kok Eee”. I thought it was her Chinese name till she wrote it down.

Me: Aiyoh! It’s CLO-EE lah. NOT KOK EEE. KOK EEE your head!!
Kok Eee: It’s KOK EEE lah. People said it’s KOK EEE.
Me: Ok lah, Suit yourself. COCK EEE. (Suck my dick la)

Over dinner the other night, a friend told me names of some people she met at work – Clayrise (thank gawd her sister is not called Claypot), Kirstecn (as if the “C” would make the name sexier) and Lelis (In no relation to the two).

What is wrong with these people?

Chicken Business

As I was telling Mae & James , my most of my relatives rear chicken, sell chicken and cook chicken – chicken sellers are filthy rich. My uncles, aunties and cousins are driving Estimas, Mercedes, Nissan Muranos and Honda Accords. As for us – the only family with graduates, are still owing the banks for our miserable Kenaris and Wiras.

Chicken business is no joke. It’s a multi million dollar dirty job.

This post is not about how to make money out of selling chicken. I am not going to share their secrets. If I know, do you think I would still drive a Kenari?

That makes all of us think, are we going to be slaves forever – slogging our asses off just to make ends meet? We owe the bank huge amounts of debts – car, house, credit card, etc.

With the fake inflation rate as announced, things were so much more expensive now. I was shocked that, 6 Dunkin Donuts which costed me RM5.90 ten years ago is now selling at RM10.50. Inflation rate 4% per annum? Bullshit. Probably what they meant was – 4% compounded interest. So meaning, taking the Dunkin Donuts as an example, in 10 years, it’s probably more than 100% inflation now!

So folks, make your money worth every cent. Make your money work for you.

How do you make your money work for you? I am sure there are numerous articles in the newspapers or financial magazines that would help you to plan your financial goals.

You could start by setting aside some money every month. Yes – I am no good in this as I am a bloody spendthrift. I force myself to save most of my money in insurance and unit trusts. So, if I fall seriously ill, I would not worry about squeezing my parents or my friends off for medical help. If I kick the bucket, I don’t have to worry about expenses for my funeral. And when I could not work due to serious illnesses or even invalidated, insurance would take care of my needs. It still befuddles me that people wanting to buy insurance to make money. It just cheeses me off. Insurance only works when shit happens and it helps tremendously in taking care of your needs when you are in need the most.

Putting money in the bank in fixed deposit is not really practical either. The rate now is only 3.2%. Inflation rate? 4%? You lose 0.8% to time cost. You have to remember, the inflation rate is bullshit. So, you actually lose more than that. Your money shouldn’t be a sitting duck in the bank to be devoured by inflation; you ought to seriously think of where to put your money. I was glad that I put some of my hard earned money in ING unit trusts. I was glad that instead of getting -0.8% if the money sits in the bank, I have gotten averaging 12% per annum. Imagine if someone puts in the bank – fixed deposit for 10 years. For no reason, your money would be drained out. RM1 today is no longer the same as RM1 ten years ago. You get my drift?

To make matters even worse, we have clowns from the circus managing our retirement funds – the EPF. Instead of thinking how to invest the people’s hard earned money intelligently and resourcefully, they thought of ways to manage how people should withdraw money towards their retirement. I mean, come on! This is OUR money. What we want to do with it, it is our problem. In my personal point of view, it is best to utilize your second account to finance your house as soon as possible, rather than letting interest or inflation eats into your money’s worth.

Note: This is a personal point of view. It may vary from one individual to another and shouldn’t be taken as the ultimate advice on managing one’s money. What you want to do with your money is your problem. This post is to create awareness that there are alternative ways in managing finances.