What's In A Name?

Shae: eh i ask u
Shae: how do u spell the name winnie
Me: winnie lor
Shae:i just discovered this name 2 days back n now only got time to ask u
Me: dont tell me some jinjang woman spell winny
Me: or weenie
Me: coz weenie means DICK
Me: hahahaha
Shae: nope, hahahhah
Shae: thank god
Shae: check this spelling
Shae: VINNIEY
Shae: my printer’s staff
Shae: how bout tt
Me: lol
Me: no wonder she is so screwed up
Me: before you tell me
Me: i already have feelings its her
Me: if name also dunno how to spell
Me: dont expect her to even know how to spell normal words lah
Me: lol
Shae:yalor

I really cannot stand people who decide to spell their names as if they are aliens from outerspace.

Vinniey?? Kaniniah lah!

I bet she is some jinjang woman (no offence to people who live in Jinjang but come on…). I bet my ass that anyone who would send her a fax or e-mail or a formal letter would use common sense and address her as Winnie.

Wah.. I really beh tahan these kind of names.

I guess it was caused by the bad influences from Taiwan/ Hong Kong pop artistes. Fish? Fruit? For instance, Vanness from the group F4 – those long hair pussy boys who squeal rather than sing. What kind of name is Vanness? Sounds like Vain Ass to me. He’s damn vain alright. Flicking and always touching his long hair in videos and while singing. Gawd. I am gonna puke.

I know some of you must be thinking, what is wrong with me, going against people with such fucked up names. There – I’ve said it. Fucked up.

Every month, there will be new recruitment of staff. The new colleagues would be brought around the office to introduce themselves. Most of the names I couldn’t really remember – there are about 8,000 people in this organization – and one girl ensure that I won’t forget her name.

Firstly she was introduced as Lai Mun. It’s the same name as another staff in one of our site offices. So I asked, if I could call her surname instead to avoid mistaken identity.

She told me – “No lah. Call surname very formal leh. You can call me Lemon!”

Well, she looks like a lemon to begin with – all rounded and quite sour to look at. I suppressed my snigger and almost choked on my own saliva. I have a bad feeling there would be Apples and Oranges in the future.

I remembered a fellow colleague in a market research firm. Her name is Xanadu. Yeah. That song. She has problems pronouncing her own name. Imagine working in a market research firm, introducing herself on the phone:-

Ms X: Hi. My name is XANADU
Interviewee: ANU?
Ms X: XA-NA-DU
Interviewee: SAINT ANU?
Ms X: ZA-NAAA-DOOOO!!!
Interviewee: Whatever lah. What you want?
Ms X: Oh I am calling from this market research…
Interviewee: …clack clack…. dooot…. doottt…. dooott…
Ms X: hello? hello?

… and she wondered why she couldn’t get her job done.

There is another colleague with the name Chloe. I know. It’s a proper name for a person but it would be making an ass out of yourself if you don’t even know how to pronounce it, right? She introduced herself as “Kok Eee”. I thought it was her Chinese name till she wrote it down.

Me: Aiyoh! It’s CLO-EE lah. NOT KOK EEE. KOK EEE your head!!
Kok Eee: It’s KOK EEE lah. People said it’s KOK EEE.
Me: Ok lah, Suit yourself. COCK EEE. (Suck my dick la)

Over dinner the other night, a friend told me names of some people she met at work – Clayrise (thank gawd her sister is not called Claypot), Kirstecn (as if the “C” would make the name sexier) and Lelis (In no relation to the two).

What is wrong with these people?

30 Responses to “What's In A Name?”

  1. ml Says:

    wah, not bad huh? very productive wor. 1 new post almost everyday. the most pathetic thing about people trying to be prominent by choosing a so called special name is not knowing the meaning of it or how to pronouce it correctly. there are even more ‘sophisticated’ english names that i’ve come across especially by chinese from prc. can u imagine those people from the chinese offices of my ex-co naming themselves tiger, shadow (luckily not shallow), spring… and pronoucing jane as ‘jian’ (?), which means ‘jin kak’ in cantonese. ahahaha…

  2. Lengx2 Says:

    Hahaha… you sound so fired up!
    Once I knew a HK guy called Dollars! Yes, Dollars as in $$$!!!

  3. May Says:

    Yea, I know someone called himself ‘Diamond’, he works in MLM, so you know what he meant by that. So afraid we don’t know he is already ‘Diamond’ meh, pooi!

  4. anigma Says:

    ml: No wonder lah you ask me whether I am free or not. Hahahah. If you are my ex boss – I am NOT FREE!! Hahaha. Yeah. Some people always put prominent names like want to be different from the rest. I guess this is how society tend to look at people, if we don’t blend in with the normal people, we are considered as an outcast. Same goes to naming oneself.

    lengx2: Sorry. I am being very anal these days. Hopefully, the anal days would be over soon.

  5. colourmecrazy Says:

    Vinniey sounds like she’s really whiny! Like she whines all the time! and Lemon! why would you call yourself Lemon! I suppose if it’s their parents naming them (eg. Apple by Gwyneth!) then it’s not really their fault but if they are naming themselves then I would say that they have no one to blame but themselves!

  6. anigma Says:

    May: LOL. Serious ah? Got people named Diamond? Hahah. So if a person gets to Ruby, then to Jade, then to Diamond, they have to keep on changing their namecards. Hahahahah.

    colourmecrazy: Yeah worr… Hahahaha. I think she called herself Lemon coz it rhymed with Lai Mun, her real name. Hahhaha. There is a Malaysian singer named Orange also – some local super star search shit. Really no eye see lah. Those younger generation people with weird names.

  7. ml Says:

    fish & orange, these names memang mensiasuikan malaysian chinese. they sound so pasar pagi or pasar malam. probably they have a fish head or an orange mind. hahaha…

  8. anigma Says:

    Eh!! Fish made it big in Taiwan worr. Don’t play play. Hehehe. I think if she named herself Whale, probably she will get more mammoth ratings. Hahahahah.

  9. Kleio da Muse Says:

    Yeap, I almost choke on my saliva laughing so hard while reading this post. Somehow I knew you would write about this after you mentioned these funny names to me.

    Oh gosh. I hope my secret identity name here (Kleio) wasn’t too carried away tho. LOL. Hey, at least I learned how to pronounce it properly. And it has an interesting meaning to it. Although it did sound almost unisex. I still love it. It kinda draws attention. Hahahahaha

  10. zing Says:

    LOL! Some chinese names also funny’leh… like BO TAN.. :P

  11. blue devil Says:

    LOL!!

    I really laughed out loud at your post!! muahahaa!! #$%$&^@!#$

    Anyway, my company also got Tiger and Dragon, not sure if they are brothers from the ‘Dragon Tiger Gate’. :p
    Or eventually there will be Boar, Rat, Bull, Rabbit, Horse, etc to fill in the 12 chinense animals… :s

    I recently known a friend with the name ‘Andre’… but when he introduced himself to me, he said ‘An-Dri’, I am not sure if I am wrong, I thought it is ‘On-dre’ as in French name… until today, I still don’t dare to call him, feeling like I will be calling wrong name anytime…

  12. anigma Says:

    Kleio: When I told you this, I already drafted the post and yet to send. I want to see your reaction first. Hahaha! I didn’t know how to pronounce K-L-E-I-O also. And didn’t know what it means. Think you should enlighten us.

    Zing: I haven’t told you the story of Tong Sam Pak and Tong Ta Hi yet. Hahahaha.

    blue devil: Eh… Tiger Woods very femes leh. Hahahha. Yeah. I think I also have a friend’s friend whose name is Andre. We also called him An-dri like typical Malaysians who don’t know how to pronounce names. Hahahha. He doesn’t mind. His parents named him that. That is why I totally disagree when a friend wanted to name her son, Dorian. Please lah.

  13. ina Says:

    That’s the trend nowadays I suppose. Giving themselves western names…only to make themselves look silly when they can’t spell/pronounce. :) Hahaha…

    Btw… is Ginger your glamour name? :P hehe

  14. blue devil Says:

    I think her name is ‘Anigma’. :p

  15. anigma Says:

    ina: If I said YES, I would belong to the group of morons calling themselves using fruit names.. but wait.. Ginger is a vegetable? Hahahaha.

    Blue devil: If you read the nickname in reverse, you will know what it is.

  16. blue devil Says:

    Wha sei!

  17. ryuu Says:

    eh my colleague just asked me what does “phallus” mean.. and he said he met some ah beng with that name b4… lol

  18. anigma Says:

    I supposed it sounds more exotic than plain Dick or Willy. Hahahaha.

  19. yuin Says:

    aiyoh. i read this wan stomach pain. btw, what do you think if i called myself marlboro? i’vealways wanted an english name.

  20. anigma Says:

    Your surname very susah want to match with English name lah. You tell the Indian fellas at mamak – Marlboro Mah, then they would say, “tarak Marlboro. Dunhill boleh mahhhh…” Hehehehehe. You better stick to your Thai name lah.

  21. Shae Says:

    I spoke to 2 males bearing names River and Black. Maybe they might want to name their child Ocean and White. is it really hard to have a decent name? :/

  22. anigma Says:

    Shae: There was one hot stud by the name River Phoenix. Haha.. and a movie called Meet Joe Black, staring Brad Pitt. I guess it all depends on your nationality and your race.. some Red Indians are called Panther’s Paw. I think in their language is okay, but after translation, it’s a bit one kind lah. Haha.

  23. Simple American Says:

    You should see some of the names of the ignorant people here in the states. There are actually some children running around with the name vagina, and gynecologist over here. Shows how great American publi education can be.

  24. anigma Says:

    Wah.. must be pretty bad having a name Vagina. Hahaha. In fact, sometimes ppl call me that here as my name is the shorten version of Regina and yet they prefer to call me Vagina!

  25. Simple American Says:

    Especially when it is on your birth certificate.

    People call you that? Not friends though I hope.

  26. anigma Says:

    Friends! But it was just for fun. We can take jokes pretty well.

  27. asstha Says:

    err.r… so am i aso one of those people who has f***-uped name??? :oops:

    aih… wat to do… i have to many friends with the name esther and most of my frens calls me ass-tha cheh (being d oldest of d lot), so i sorta stuck… but well i don’t use it for work anyway… work is just esther… :P

    or some fren just prefer to call me ASS… @_@

    but yea… some people hv funny names… i hv jade n diamond in my chinese name but well… esther was from birth so it sorta stuck… ;)

  28. asstha Says:

    err.. so much typos man… err… wat to do… time to pack up n leave ofis… :lol:

    my bad… hopefully u get wat i meant…. :P

  29. anigma Says:

    So, I am a vagina and you’re an ass? LOL. Is that your real name or what? Hahahha. You are a Chindian huh? Haha. Saw your pretty pics.

  30. asstha Says:

    hahaha… yeap it’s my real name just with a twist… my mom likes to spell it aster… my late grandma easther… at work it’s just esther… friends it’s asstha… or jz ass…

    as for being Chindian… *gleep*… no la wei… am 110% pure chinese… through some freak in my family’s genes, every generation will have one particular kid who looks nothing like their siblings… so for this generation… i’m d oddball :lol:

    thanks for the compliment but i’m no where near pretty… those are all the wonders of makeup (no photoshop… jz makeup)… try seeing me outside (i’m normally too lazy to put on warpaintmakeup unless i’m goin someplace nice/happening)… i’ll bet u won’t recognise me… hehehe… ;)

    like ur blog… love ur pics too… n ur weird dreams… hehehe… take care n happy weekend… :)

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