The Week’s Best

Sorry for lack of updates. In fact, I have quite a bit to say but unfortunately, could not find words to describe how disgusted I was with the current government administration. Escalating heinous crime rates, more accidents of buses, having no common sense to link finger prints bank to the police, etc. Well, since it’s Friday, I better not further jeopardize everyone’s mood for a well deserved restful weekend. I decided to write some nonsense for the heck of it.

Funniest thing I read this week

This incident happened on the air….

Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions. The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.

She asked: “Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride”

A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue.

“Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning.” She said.

The lady confidently said : “Talcum powder”.

Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!

Oddest thing I heard this week

If you stay in hotels, to ensure that your room is not occupied by unclean things, let the water tap run hot water for a few minutes. If the mirror in the bathroom is not clouded with condensed water, pack your bags and run for your life!

Weirdest Advertisement I saw this week

Yesterday in the Star Metro page M18 , I saw there is a competition for Jumbo Queen in Sungei Wang this November. Not for the elephants – they are for ample sized ladies. My sis was wondering if I would like to party-cipet.

Mangkok of the week

Purchasing executive: Eh!!! The moron’s boss asked us to buy a Single Loan Reload.

Me: What the f*ck is that?

PE: The camera ah…. SLR ahhh.. Single Loan Reload… the camera ah…

Me: AIYOH!! Single-Lens Reflex lah!!! Apa loan reload???

Latest Addiction of the Week

Scrabulous! I am on Facebook! Let’s play!

Cutest Driver this Week

QQ decided to drive me to work this morning.

Tips for Fuss Free Weddings

I have been to weddings on numerous occasions and I understand how chaotic it could be. The last one I went was on last weekend, a wedding of a colleague’s.

As usual, I was summoned to take pictures of the occasion whether I like it or not. People seem to take me for granted. You want a photographer? Get Gina. She comes free of charge. From today onwards, I will only do best friends’ weddings free of charge.

At times during weddings, I couldn’t help scrutinizing and passing sarcastic remarks. Inaudibly, of course. I have self respect and respect for other people too, but I couldn’t help being a bitch.

What I saw last weekend was a mother of all disastrous weddings. “Prosperous times” are not adhered to, lack of preparation for food, too many appointed photographers, the tai kam cher is a piece of shit, etc.

I therefore, came up with a simple guideline in order to assist those who are preparing to get married, to be ready for all these things (from a bitch’s point of view, that is.. and applicable for Chinese customary ceremonies only). They may seem petty and “common sense”, but it sure makes a hell of difference.

Food and Drinks

Ensure your guests have enough food and drinks. (Yes! Common sense!) I was at this wedding on Saturday and by 10 pm, drinks were finished. As I was busy taking pictures, I didn’t drink much water. When I wanted to get a drink, there was no more. It doesn’t hurt to buy more packed drinks as contingency.

If you prepare some snacks for guests who come in the morning to witness the “send off”, please get some really good finger snacks like sandwiches, cakes, pastries etc. Please leave some toothpick for fruits. You don’t expect guests to use their fingers to take fruits. It’s for hygienic purposes. And more drinks please.

Photographs and Videos

Appoint a maximum of 2 photographers for wedding, unless you prefer paparazzi kind of photo shoot and get people snapping from all angles and everyone in the picture looking at different angles and directions at the same time.

If you get free photographers – please ensure they enjoy taking other people’s photos and not only their own. The last weekend’s wedding photographers (I was one of the four friends who assist to take pics), the other friends were more engrossed in snapping their own pictures, cam-whoring themselves than to take pictures of the bride. I kept rolling my eyes.

When you take photos with group of family and friends, please limit every shot to two. Not everyone has all the time in the world for you repeat the same pose with the same people on the same spot 100x. I find this very, VERY, super annoying. I have no patience for such nonsense.

Ensure what you want from a photographer. You don’t appoint a person to come take your pictures and expect him/her to shoo your guests hovering and gushing over your make up. The bride should ask the keh poh chis to leave her alone with the make up artist to give some space for the photographer to take pictures.

Get a videographer who doesn’t TALK when he’s on the job. On Saturday, there was this videographer who couldn’t keep his bloody mouth shut and kept shaking throughout the entire wedding process. Probably the newly weds expected a Blair Witch project kinda video.

To avoid the above catastrophes, it’s better for you to PAY someone professional to take your wedding pictures or video  than to rely on cam-whoring friends or videographer with shaky hands because of masturbating too much.

Customs

Make sure you have your tea set ready for tea ceremony, with a small basin of water to wash the cups after using. I have been to a few weddings and during tea ceremony, the helper had to practically scramble into the kitchen to and fro to wash cups and to pour tea. Ridiculous! In one occasion, when the newly wed arrived at the house, then only the family members unpacked the tea set from the box and boil water to make tea. DUH!

Ensure the people for tea ceremony are aware of the tea ceremony taking place to avoid younger relatives to have a go first before the elderly – which I find a major taboo for weddings. Please show some respect and common sense!

Get a tai kam cher with experience and does not stammer when uttering auspicious words. On Saturday, the Tai Kam Cher went, “Errr…. Errr…. Ahh…” in every sentence she uttered and most of us felt like slapping her. On another occasion, I was very annoyed when the Tai Kam Cher practically shoved me to all corners and tell me, this is the best angle to take pictures. Hello? If you are such a genius, why don’t you hold the camera. Ensure everyone play their OWN part and not to stick their nose at anyone else’s business. Better still, do away with Tai Kam Chers!

Games to play pranks on the bridegroom ought to be kept to a minimum. I find it rather senseless to embarrass bridegrooms in public. Not that I have no sense of humor but I think it’s a waste of time. Please avoid all stuntman required tricks. It’s your wedding. You don’t want your husband to break a leg trying to grab a banana hoist some 10 feet in the air.

Anything else you may want to add?

Friday Friday

How time flies! It’s just one week after another in a blink of an eye!

Today is Friday liao! Woo Hoo! I spent the entire week at office, doing work at ease as my boss is in Paris the entire week. Not really a free week though. A lot of spring cleaning to do!

Will be attending Dan’s birthday dinner at Ed’s tonight. Expect another round of sheer gluttony!

It was about 2 months ago, a friend left to work in the USA and he’s coming back this Sunday! So fast one! Haha!

A friend will be a mommy real soon! It was just like yesterday she was married and now, baby is popping out soon!

I am on high today coz it’s Friday!

Mind Your English

It’s disheartening to see the standards of our English today. Since most of us were schooled in Malay/Chinese medium for at least 11 years, it is no surprise that one would struggle with command of English language as soon as one starts working.

I am not implying that I am such a genius… Heck! I struggled a hell lot when I was in A Levels – Copper, Tembaga, Photosynthesis, Fotosintesis, Cell, Sel, Dehydration, Penghidratan, Joystick, Batang ria… ok ok.. the last one is a joke. The thing is, you have to learn and keep practising to improve.

Here I share with you some of the blatant mistakes made by some colleagues. Can you decipher what the hell they are trying to say?

Disclaimer: I am not calling them morons because of their bad English. They are just…. unlikable.

From: Moron No. 1

Dear All

The Restaurant name call Royal China Restaurant-same rolls with Palm Beach or last time call Happy Valley. Shell we wait at L23 lift lobby at 6.05pm?

Rolls? I prefer California rolls worr. Yes, we shell some oysters while we are there.

(For the benefit of those who didn’t follow this blog earlier, I wear uniform to work.. so there are more than one uniform stories)

From: Super Moron

To HR head.

First and foremost I would like to apologize to interrupt your time. (Very good manners – considering she behaves like a barbarian most of the time)

But, I just like to inform you that my current yellow uniform only left one.

One of the yellow uniforms is out of stitches and waiting for tailor to alter.

Another one now is already very too “sempit”, no more comfortable at all.

To stand until 5.30pm is too hard for me.

IF can, I only want to wear the uniform for monthly assembly or once a week, Monday.

I hope to hear your kindness consideration…

Once again I am sorry to take your value time on this matter.

Thank you.

Check out how she underlined the words to stress importance. A bi-lingual dictionary would be a great gift for her birthday (if she knows how to use one, that is).

From: The Ultimate Super Moron

Dear Ms T,

Accordingly to your document that you pass to me yesterday

Pity you because you don’t know how to check the office work, and I help you to check it out.

Not say I cannot retype that simple letter, UNFORTUNATELY, the reference of the letter is came out from the site office.

AND that letters related with the contract dept which is involved with the payment.

So, I will return these two letter for your kind further action

Regards and thank you.

WTF?

From: The Ultimate Super moron

Hi! Dear to my colleagues,

I have found many times, and I would like to highlight that we are not kindergarten anymore

SO, please flush by your own the toilet after used.

It’s quite good already since she did take into consideration using past tense.

There are more to come, hopefully to keep us entertained.

P.S. Mei, do you want me to propose your service to conduct Basic English classes in my office?

Other equally horrifying England post, click here.

Random Notes

I was on medical leave yesterday due to some fever, cough and flu. Was sleeping at home, watched some tv and get my license done.

Note #1

Since I was sick and resting at home with no lap top to go online, I decided to read something not so heavy. I read “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Berhrendt & Liz Tuccilo. I know it’s very unlikely for me to read self help book and I wouldn’t be caught dead in the self help aisle in book stores but I didn’t want to sprain my sick (literally) brain digesting another novel from Haruki Murakami. Surprisingly, I found it to be very witty, funny and downright true. Not that I have many dates to reflect upon. One piece of advice which knocked me off my socks laughing is, “You already have one asshole. You don’t need another.” Hahahah! How true that is! So ladies, always remember you are hot and fabulous and deserved to be treated like a queen. Thanks, Ed for sharing this.

Note #2

I drove to JPJ Wangsa Maju in a groggy state to get a copy of driving license since I lost it in the house break. It’s better to do this now as I am saving my leave for a trip this November. I was rather surprised that, it took me only 10 minutes – to park the car, pay RM3 for parking, collected the form to apply for license, off to counter no. 13 (ground floor, next to the forms and enquiry booth as opposed to the last time I did this in February) to collect a queue number then, as soon as I finished filling up the form, my number is up. The officer at the counter is very friendly and helpful.

Note #3

I thought my agony was over till got a statement from Alliance Bank and found that the idiot who stole my bag used my credit card for petrol. It’s really weird because I blocked my card on the day I found it got stolen and was informed that there was no activity on my card but, there was one. I am not going to pay for it. Filling up dispute form now to waive the charges.

Note #4

Quan Quan is getting more and more active. He hardly sleeps, he bites anything at sight, makes noise when you don’t give him what he wants, etc and he’s only 10.5 months old. He is more challenging to look after compare to Sasha and Lok Lok. One Sasha is already a headache. I wonder how stay-at-home moms deal with hyperactive kids.

Ok now. Back to work.