The Week’s Best

Sorry for lack of updates. In fact, I have quite a bit to say but unfortunately, could not find words to describe how disgusted I was with the current government administration. Escalating heinous crime rates, more accidents of buses, having no common sense to link finger prints bank to the police, etc. Well, since it’s Friday, I better not further jeopardize everyone’s mood for a well deserved restful weekend. I decided to write some nonsense for the heck of it.

Funniest thing I read this week

This incident happened on the air….

Yasmin Yusof, a DJ on Radio 4 asked listeners on her radio program to call to answer trivia questions. The first caller to give the correct answer would get a prize from the sponsor.

She asked: “Can anyone out there tell me the household name of Sodium Chloride”

A caller who is a housewife called up eager to answer the question. Not knowing the answer to the question, she asked Yasmin for a clue.

“Something you put on your husbands eggs in the morning.” She said.

The lady confidently said : “Talcum powder”.

Yasmin Yusof did not return to the air until after a few songs!

Oddest thing I heard this week

If you stay in hotels, to ensure that your room is not occupied by unclean things, let the water tap run hot water for a few minutes. If the mirror in the bathroom is not clouded with condensed water, pack your bags and run for your life!

Weirdest Advertisement I saw this week

Yesterday in the Star Metro page M18 , I saw there is a competition for Jumbo Queen in Sungei Wang this November. Not for the elephants – they are for ample sized ladies. My sis was wondering if I would like to party-cipet.

Mangkok of the week

Purchasing executive: Eh!!! The moron’s boss asked us to buy a Single Loan Reload.

Me: What the f*ck is that?

PE: The camera ah…. SLR ahhh.. Single Loan Reload… the camera ah…

Me: AIYOH!! Single-Lens Reflex lah!!! Apa loan reload???

Latest Addiction of the Week

Scrabulous! I am on Facebook! Add me! Let’s play!

Cutest Driver this Week

QQ decided to drive me to work this morning.

Tips for Fuss Free Weddings

I have been to weddings on numerous occasions and I understand how chaotic it could be. The last one I went was on last weekend, a wedding of a colleague’s.

As usual, I was summoned to take pictures of the occasion whether I like it or not. People seem to take me for granted. You want a photographer? Get Gina Cheng. She comes free of charge. From today onwards, I will only do best friends’ weddings free of charge.

At times during weddings, I couldn’t help scrutinizing and passing sarcastic remarks. Inaudibly, of course. I have self respect and respect for other people too, but I couldn’t help being a bitch.

What I saw last weekend was a mother of all disastrous weddings. “Prosperous times” are not adhered to, lack of preparation for food, too many appointed photographers, the tai kam cher is a piece of shit, etc.

I therefore, came up with a simple guideline in order to assist those who are preparing to get married, to be ready for all these things (from a bitch’s point of view, that is.. and applicable for Chinese customary ceremonies only). They may seem petty and “common sense”, but it sure makes a hell of difference.

Food and Drinks

Ensure your guests have enough food and drinks. (Yes! Common sense!) I was at this wedding on Saturday and by 10 pm, drinks were finished. As I was busy taking pictures, I didn’t drink much water. When I wanted to get a drink, there was no more. It doesn’t hurt to buy more packed drinks as contingency.

If you prepare some snacks for guests who come in the morning to witness the “send off”, please get some really good finger snacks like sandwiches, cakes, pastries etc. Please leave some toothpick for fruits. You don’t expect guests to use their fingers to take fruits. It’s for hygienic purposes. And more drinks please.

Photographs and Videos

Appoint a maximum of 2 photographers for wedding, unless you prefer paparazzi kind of photo shoot and get people snapping from all angles and everyone in the picture looking at different angles and directions at the same time.

If you get free photographers – please ensure they enjoy taking other people’s photos and not only their own. The last weekend’s wedding photographers (I was one of the four friends who assist to take pics), the other friends were more engrossed in snapping their own pictures, cam-whoring themselves than to take pictures of the bride. I kept rolling my eyes.

When you take photos with group of family and friends, please limit every shot to two. Not everyone has all the time in the world for you repeat the same pose with the same people on the same spot 100x. I find this very, VERY, super annoying. I have no patience for such nonsense.

Ensure what you want from a photographer. You don’t appoint a person to come take your pictures and expect him/her to shoo your guests hovering and gushing over your make up. The bride should ask the keh poh chis to leave her alone with the make up artist to give some space for the photographer to take pictures.

Get a videographer who doesn’t TALK when he’s on the job. On Saturday, there was this videographer who couldn’t keep his bloody mouth shut and kept shaking throughout the entire wedding process. Probably the newly weds expected a Blair Witch project kinda video.

To avoid the above catastrophes, it’s better for you to PAY someone professional to take your wedding pictures or video  than to rely on cam-whoring friends or videographer with shaky hands because of masturbating too much.

Customs

Make sure you have your tea set ready for tea ceremony, with a small basin of water to wash the cups after using. I have been to a few weddings and during tea ceremony, the helper had to practically scramble into the kitchen to and fro to wash cups and to pour tea. Ridiculous! In one occasion, when the newly wed arrived at the house, then only the family members unpacked the tea set from the box and boil water to make tea. DUH!

Ensure the people for tea ceremony are aware of the tea ceremony taking place to avoid younger relatives to have a go first before the elderly – which I find a major taboo for weddings. Please show some respect and common sense!

Get a tai kam cher with experience and does not stammer when uttering auspicious words. On Saturday, the Tai Kam Cher went, “Errr…. Errr…. Ahh…” in every sentence she uttered and most of us felt like slapping her. On another occasion, I was very annoyed when the Tai Kam Cher practically shoved me to all corners and tell me, this is the best angle to take pictures. Hello? If you are such a genius, why don’t you hold the camera. Ensure everyone play their OWN part and not to stick their nose at anyone else’s business. Better still, do away with Tai Kam Chers!

Games to play pranks on the bridegroom ought to be kept to a minimum. I find it rather senseless to embarrass bridegrooms in public. Not that I have no sense of humor but I think it’s a waste of time. Please avoid all stuntman required tricks. It’s your wedding. You don’t want your husband to break a leg trying to grab a banana hoist some 10 feet in the air.

Anything else you may want to add?

Friday Friday

How time flies! It’s just one week after another in a blink of an eye!

Today is Friday liao! Woo Hoo! I spent the entire week at office, doing work at ease as my boss is in Paris the entire week. Not really a free week though. A lot of spring cleaning to do!

Will be attending Dan’s birthday dinner at Ed’s tonight. Expect another round of sheer gluttony!

It was about 2 months ago, a friend left to work in the USA and he’s coming back this Sunday! So fast one! Haha!

A friend will be a mommy real soon! It was just like yesterday she was married and now, baby is popping out soon!

I am on high today coz it’s Friday!

Mind Your English

It’s disheartening to see the standards of our English today. Since most of us were schooled in Malay/Chinese medium for at least 11 years, it is no surprise that one would struggle with command of English language as soon as one starts working.

I am not implying that I am such a genius… Heck! I struggled a hell lot when I was in A Levels – Copper, Tembaga, Photosynthesis, Fotosintesis, Cell, Sel, Dehydration, Penghidratan, Joystick, Batang ria… ok ok.. the last one is a joke. The thing is, you have to learn and keep practising to improve.

Here I share with you some of the blatant mistakes made by some colleagues. Can you decipher what the hell they are trying to say?

Disclaimer: I am not calling them morons because of their bad English. They are just…. unlikable.

From: Moron No. 1

Dear All

The Restaurant name call Royal China Restaurant-same rolls with Palm Beach or last time call Happy Valley. Shell we wait at L23 lift lobby at 6.05pm?

Rolls? I prefer California rolls worr. Yes, we shell some oysters while we are there.

(For the benefit of those who didn’t follow this blog earlier, I wear uniform to work.. so there are more than one uniform stories)

From: Super Moron

To HR head.

First and foremost I would like to apologize to interrupt your time. (Very good manners – considering she behaves like a barbarian most of the time)

But, I just like to inform you that my current yellow uniform only left one.

One of the yellow uniforms is out of stitches and waiting for tailor to alter.

Another one now is already very too “sempit”, no more comfortable at all.

To stand until 5.30pm is too hard for me.

IF can, I only want to wear the uniform for monthly assembly or once a week, Monday.

I hope to hear your kindness consideration…

Once again I am sorry to take your value time on this matter.

Thank you.

Check out how she underlined the words to stress importance. A bi-lingual dictionary would be a great gift for her birthday (if she knows how to use one, that is).

From: The Ultimate Super Moron

Dear Ms T,

Accordingly to your document that you pass to me yesterday

Pity you because you don’t know how to check the office work, and I help you to check it out.

Not say I cannot retype that simple letter, UNFORTUNATELY, the reference of the letter is came out from the site office.

AND that letters related with the contract dept which is involved with the payment.

So, I will return these two letter for your kind further action

Regards and thank you.

WTF?

From: The Ultimate Super moron

Hi! Dear to my colleagues,

I have found many times, and I would like to highlight that we are not kindergarten anymore

SO, please flush by your own the toilet after used.

It’s quite good already since she did take into consideration using past tense.

There are more to come, hopefully to keep us entertained.

P.S. Mei, do you want me to propose your service to conduct Basic English classes in my office?

Other equally horrifying England post, click here.

Random Notes

I was on medical leave yesterday due to some fever, cough and flu. Was sleeping at home, watched some tv and get my license done.

Note #1

Since I was sick and resting at home with no lap top to go online, I decided to read something not so heavy. I read “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Berhrendt & Liz Tuccilo. I know it’s very unlikely for me to read self help book and I wouldn’t be caught dead in the self help aisle in book stores but I didn’t want to sprain my sick (literally) brain digesting another novel from Haruki Murakami. Surprisingly, I found it to be very witty, funny and downright true. Not that I have many dates to reflect upon. One piece of advice which knocked me off my socks laughing is, “You already have one asshole. You don’t need another.” Hahahah! How true that is! So ladies, always remember you are hot and fabulous and deserved to be treated like a queen. Thanks, Ed for sharing this.

Note #2

I drove to JPJ Wangsa Maju in a groggy state to get a copy of driving license since I lost it in the house break. It’s better to do this now as I am saving my leave for a trip this November. I was rather surprised that, it took me only 10 minutes – to park the car, pay RM3 for parking, collected the form to apply for license, off to counter no. 13 (ground floor, next to the forms and enquiry booth as opposed to the last time I did this in February) to collect a queue number then, as soon as I finished filling up the form, my number is up. The officer at the counter is very friendly and helpful.

Note #3

I thought my agony was over till got a statement from Alliance Bank and found that the idiot who stole my bag used my credit card for petrol. It’s really weird because I blocked my card on the day I found it got stolen and was informed that there was no activity on my card but, there was one. I am not going to pay for it. Filling up dispute form now to waive the charges.

Note #4

Quan Quan is getting more and more active. He hardly sleeps, he bites anything at sight, makes noise when you don’t give him what he wants, etc and he’s only 10.5 months old. He is more challenging to look after compare to Sasha and Lok Lok. One Sasha is already a headache. I wonder how stay-at-home moms deal with hyperactive kids.

Ok now. Back to work.

Good Weekend

Last weekend was eventful. I was at friend’s house warming party, bowling outing and celebrating Yung’s birthday at Ed’s.

I decided to take my new camera on a test run. Many said the colors are not as vivid as the ones taken by Canon cameras. What to do? I got myself the cheaper Casio Exilim Z850 due to tight budget. You be the judge.

Bowling – I played pretty badly as usual. I just don’t think I am cut for bowling, even though I emerged top 10 in a list of 24 players in office. Of course lah, if you play with si lais and makciks! Hahahaha!

The night at friend’s house warming party – her place was really cozy. It’s good to have a contractor as husband. You tend to get the best in everything at a fraction of costs! I didn’t take pictures there as I was busy stuffing my face with food and passing cruel remarks on a fellow colleague.

Steamed tofu with pork

After bowling, we went to Ying Ker’s Hakka Restaurant because I was dying to try out the Hakka Dim Sum. I had home made Hakka Dim Sum once (thanks to WY’s mom!) and since then, I had cravings for it.

The Hakka Dim Sum at Ying Ker’s is uhm.. quite okay lah… I am kinda disappointed. I guess probably nothing beats home cooked food.

Hakka dim sum

We tried other dishes as well and now I know, the pork belly with fungus which you could normally find in “chap fan” (mixed rice) restaurant is a hakka dish.

Pork belly with black fungus

After bowling and lunch at Ying Ker’s, I went home for awhile to freshen up and headed to Ed’s place for the lovely Yung’s birthday. It is indeed such a blessing to have Ed cooking for all of us for our birthdays! Happy birthday to Yung! May you always be blessed with happiness, lotsa love and kindness as you always have been to us.

“Bomb” – Meat stuffed with duck egg yolk

Red Hot Curry Taufoo Pok

Otak-Otak Pizza

No Leading Man

I have wanted to blog this for awhile but couldn’t find the right “feel” to do so until last night. I was in KLPac for Tunku the Musical with complimentary tickets courtesy from YTL Corporation.

Not aware of the cast or even plot as I hardly read the newspapers, I was thinking this must be some production as part of the 50th Merdeka propaganda which I find reluctant to celebrate. Just look at the circus clowns in our home politics.

The leading man, Tony Eusoff was hospitalized due to appendicitis and could not possibly turn up to play the role as the fictitious Tuan Syed, the aide to Tunku. I must say, they had done a pretty good job that we didn’t even miss Tuan Syed. Haha!

I was blown away. I was very moved by the songs and casts in scenes after scenes. The props are very good. I love the orchestra. The blend of multi ethnicity cast is perfect. One need not to be born during that depicted times as you would be brought back to the past by the nostalgic projected images. For a tone deaf person like me, I seriously think the written songs were superb. I felt my heart strings tugged when Maria Yasmin rendered the song “Alone” with generous doses of emotions.

Being a cynic, I found the musical heavily sedated with political overtone. My mates who were with me thought it was merely a doomed love story between two races and whether Malay laksa tastes better than Chinese’s? Ignorance is indeed bliss.

I deciphered it as an awakening to the people to really think who they are going to vote in the coming election. Having read some political blogs, I am aware of the seriousness of racism, corruption, misuse of public funds, etc in the current political situation.

Perhaps I was wrong. I don’t know. Perhaps it was really a love story between two persons of different races and preference for Malay or Chinese laksa. But I couldn’t help feeling frustrated that our Bapa Merdeka who had envisioned Malaysia to be a big place enough for all had somewhat turned into a political playground for certain people deriving benefits from, unethically. I felt a deep sadness that the ideal vision that Tunku had been fighting for, died a premature death on May 13, 1969 riot.

I remember reading an article on how the national anthem was being created and couldn’t help smiling when the late Tunku asked for assistance from all races to put hands together to prepare for the celebration. He sought help from Radio Malaysia – Alfonso Soliano, Lanthall, Croft, Bert Read, Soliano, Dol Ramli and Datuk Ahmad Merican to create the national anthem, Negaraku from a love song, Terang Bulan. He requested Datuk Ahmad Merican to recruit choral singers from the churches in and around Kuala Lumpur. If Tunku could look beyond skin color, religions and ethnicity to help make Malaysia a functional country, why can’t the Malaysians now do so?

Pity or Disgust?

I went home yesterday for lunch and saw a man lurking at the side of my house. Since my house in an end lot, with the side facing a narrow alley, I have every reason to be cautious.

He is filthy in his worn out maroon shirt. Both his arms and legs are dark and covered with soot. He’s a drug addict from the looks of it.

I was wary when I opened my car door to avoid him jumping in my car, or to follow me inside the house. I slam shut the back door of my house immediately after I got into the house and told my mom about him.

He spoke to my dad when he (my dad) was parking his car at the side of our house. The drug addict claimed that his car had been stolen and he had no money to take a bus home. My dad ignored him and went inside the house. He ended up lurking at the side of my house where my dad parked his car and sat there, staring into space.

I remember I once gave some money to an elderly Indian man when he came begging for money. I was sitting near on a bench along my college pathway, talking to a friend. I do not have small change with me so I gave him RM5. I could remember his eyes lit up and thanked me profusely for the money while my friend looked on. He said, the man is a junkie and I shouldn’t have helped him.

The drug addict sitting next to my house stirred some emotions in me which I don’t even think exist. I was angry that he didn’t take the initiative to try to quit his habit or try to get a job to feed his needs. I was sorry at the same time that he had to be subjected to the control of abusive substance. I was disgusted that he had to be reduced to this state. I pity him that he probably does not have a family to take care of him.

I was thinking to give him perhaps some food so he could go away but decided against it. If you are kind to him once, he would come back again. I didn’t want him to return to cause uneasiness to the family. I did not want to encourage him to beg. At the same time, I sympathized with him.

Sometimes I wonder, is there a God?

A Haunted House

This post is 18PL – For 18+ with non-excessive sex scenes and religious/ counter-culture elements. Readers’ discretion is advised.

My mom insisted that we moved out as she was worried to stay in a house that had been broken into. She proposed to buy a house in Rawang. I didn’t like the idea of staying in Rawang. The property is cheap, but it would be risky if you like to sell it off at later date as the property there has low investments value. Rawang is too far from town and there are only 2 roads leading to the town – via the highway where you have to pay exorbitant toll or take the narrow, flood prone trunk road.

It was too late. The inked signature on the sales and purchase agreement was dried and we had to move to Rawang.

It wasn’t totally a bad idea. It was an end lot house and costing only RM90k! What I really like about the house was the landscape surrounding the house. It was a forest of pine trees and the cooling air was unbelievable. Places like this only exist in highland areas.

As I walked around the house, I could see most of my family members and relatives already knew which room they wanted and unpacked their belongings. Some even sleep in the rooms due to exhaustion of moving place. I still couldn’t find my room. Even though it was merely a single-storey terrace house, it looked like a pre-war house where elongated walkways are common. Rooms are placed opposite each other in the elongated walkway. I checked every window and proposed to put up grills to ward off intruders.

I don’t know what the measurement of the house is but it sure look real big for a terrace house. It has its own garden and own parking basements. What I don’t like about the house is a vast oval shaped cabinet storing figurines of many gods inside. It was somewhat creepy and I asked my mom if I could remove them. She didn’t answer me but gave me a stern look. Overlooking the huge oval shaped cabinet stuffed with gods, there was a modern looking white plaster ceiling of waves with spotlights. The living room is furnished with furniture from Cavenzi.

For a house that big, it would be impossible to imagine that it’s only RM90k!! It should be valued at RM500k at least! I wonder if the owner sold the property hastily due to the almost creepy like state in the house. I decided to check the history behind the house.

Along the road to my house, there was a small pub where people would gather. When I saw the crowd, it was nothing like what you could imagine in a small town with handful of people. It was crowded with many western foreigners and hip people!

I decided to plonk my ass next to two pretty looking girls in their bikinis. It was apparently a beach night party where everyone was in their colorful swimsuits and surfing Bermudas. Next to the pretty girls, there was a very handsome guy in washboard abs! He was topless and merely wearing a green Bermuda with coconut trees print.

I decided not to waste my time and started to talk about the house at the end of the road. The two girls were obviously drunk and high. Then the handsome guy answered me and confirmed the place was haunted. The previous owner, a sickly elderly gentleman passed on and he didn’t have any heir. So, it was sold by the bank on auction.

Thinking that I had the answers, I decided to go home and conveyed the message to my family and told them that we probably had been duped into purchasing a haunted home! Before I could make a move, the girls asked me to wait while they perform a drinking stunt. The party animal instinct in me persuaded me to stay on. They started gulping liquor one glass after another. The handsome guy did the same and then, the girls decided to try something new. Anyone who goes clubbing would know a drink called “Blowjob”. It consists of 1/4 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream 1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur per shot. However, the trio decided to take it to the next level. The girls ask the hunk to dip his penis into their drink and then, the girls took turns to lap the drink… off the guy’s penis. I was dumb founded and walked away. This is not happening in Malaysia!

As I was walking back to my house, the house suddenly transformed into a grand bungalow. I could see many posh and expensive cars driving to the house and there were butlers at the main entrance to the house, welcoming visitors in glittering night gowns and pretty kebayas. It was then, I suddenly realized, the old owner who had passed on, was home. It began to drizzle. I looked up the sky and a droplet of rain fell onto my face.

I woke up to the sounds of rain and thunder outside my room, in my house, in Selayang.

Short and Sweet

Hectic. The one word that could describe my days this week.

Will keep this post short and sweet.. probably the shortest post in this blog, ever!

I tried to reply comments but somehow the comments did not appear. Tried to type again and there was an error message saying, there is a duplicate. Will get to the bottom of this, once I get my hands free.

Couldn’t sleep well again last night. Too much angst due to the recent incidents of missing lap tops and camera. I thought I had gotten over it.

Meeting in 2 hours’ time. Had to sit in for a colleague who went on maternity leave.

Popeye sends his regards to all from Algeciras.

If you don’t hear further from me this week, have a good weekend!

P.S. Happy birthday to Chubby!

P.S.S. I heard that Pavarotti had passed away.