It’s disheartening to see the standards of our English today. Since most of us were schooled in Malay/Chinese medium for at least 11 years, it is no surprise that one would struggle with command of English language as soon as one starts working.
I am not implying that I am such a genius… Heck! I struggled a hell lot when I was in A Levels – Copper, Tembaga, Photosynthesis, Fotosintesis, Cell, Sel, Dehydration, Penghidratan, Joystick, Batang ria… ok ok.. the last one is a joke. The thing is, you have to learn and keep practising to improve.
Here I share with you some of the blatant mistakes made by some colleagues. Can you decipher what the hell they are trying to say?
Disclaimer: I am not calling them morons because of their bad English. They are just…. unlikable.
From: Moron No. 1
The Restaurant name call Royal China Restaurant-same rolls with Palm Beach or last time call Happy Valley. Shell we wait at L23 lift lobby at 6.05pm?
Rolls? I prefer California rolls worr. Yes, we shell some oysters while we are there.
(For the benefit of those who didn’t follow this blog earlier, I wear uniform to work.. so there are more than one uniform stories)
From: Super Moron
To HR head.
First and foremost I would like to apologize to interrupt your time. (Very good manners – considering she behaves like a barbarian most of the time)
But, I just like to inform you that my current yellow uniform only left one.
One of the yellow uniforms is out of stitches and waiting for tailor to alter.
Another one now is already very too “sempit”, no more comfortable at all.
To stand until 5.30pm is too hard for me.
IF can, I only want to wear the uniform for monthly assembly or once a week, Monday.
I hope to hear your kindness consideration…
Once again I am sorry to take your value time on this matter.
Check out how she underlined the words to stress importance. A bi-lingual dictionary would be a great gift for her birthday (if she knows how to use one, that is).
From: The Ultimate Super Moron
Dear Ms T,
Accordingly to your document that you pass to me yesterday
Pity you because you don’t know how to check the office work, and I help you to check it out.
Not say I cannot retype that simple letter, UNFORTUNATELY, the reference of the letter is came out from the site office.
AND that letters related with the contract dept which is involved with the payment.
So, I will return these two letter for your kind further action
Regards and thank you.
From: The Ultimate Super moron
Hi! Dear to my colleagues,
I have found many times, and I would like to highlight that we are not kindergarten anymore
SO, please flush by your own the toilet after used.
It’s quite good already since she did take into consideration using past tense.
There are more to come, hopefully to keep us entertained.
P.S. Mei, do you want me to propose your service to conduct Basic English classes in my office?
Other equally horrifying England post, click here.