Tips for Fuss Free Weddings

I have been to weddings on numerous occasions and I understand how chaotic it could be. The last one I went was on last weekend, a wedding of a colleague’s.

As usual, I was summoned to take pictures of the occasion whether I like it or not. People seem to take me for granted. You want a photographer? Get Gina. She comes free of charge. From today onwards, I will only do best friends’ weddings free of charge.

At times during weddings, I couldn’t help scrutinizing and passing sarcastic remarks. Inaudibly, of course. I have self respect and respect for other people too, but I couldn’t help being a bitch.

What I saw last weekend was a mother of all disastrous weddings. “Prosperous times” are not adhered to, lack of preparation for food, too many appointed photographers, the tai kam cher is a piece of shit, etc.

I therefore, came up with a simple guideline in order to assist those who are preparing to get married, to be ready for all these things (from a bitch’s point of view, that is.. and applicable for Chinese customary ceremonies only). They may seem petty and “common sense”, but it sure makes a hell of difference.

Food and Drinks

Ensure your guests have enough food and drinks. (Yes! Common sense!) I was at this wedding on Saturday and by 10 pm, drinks were finished. As I was busy taking pictures, I didn’t drink much water. When I wanted to get a drink, there was no more. It doesn’t hurt to buy more packed drinks as contingency.

If you prepare some snacks for guests who come in the morning to witness the “send off”, please get some really good finger snacks like sandwiches, cakes, pastries etc. Please leave some toothpick for fruits. You don’t expect guests to use their fingers to take fruits. It’s for hygienic purposes. And more drinks please.

Photographs and Videos

Appoint a maximum of 2 photographers for wedding, unless you prefer paparazzi kind of photo shoot and get people snapping from all angles and everyone in the picture looking at different angles and directions at the same time.

If you get free photographers – please ensure they enjoy taking other people’s photos and not only their own. The last weekend’s wedding photographers (I was one of the four friends who assist to take pics), the other friends were more engrossed in snapping their own pictures, cam-whoring themselves than to take pictures of the bride. I kept rolling my eyes.

When you take photos with group of family and friends, please limit every shot to two. Not everyone has all the time in the world for you repeat the same pose with the same people on the same spot 100x. I find this very, VERY, super annoying. I have no patience for such nonsense.

Ensure what you want from a photographer. You don’t appoint a person to come take your pictures and expect him/her to shoo your guests hovering and gushing over your make up. The bride should ask the keh poh chis to leave her alone with the make up artist to give some space for the photographer to take pictures.

Get a videographer who doesn’t TALK when he’s on the job. On Saturday, there was this videographer who couldn’t keep his bloody mouth shut and kept shaking throughout the entire wedding process. Probably the newly weds expected a Blair Witch project kinda video.

To avoid the above catastrophes, it’s better for you to PAY someone professional to take your wedding pictures or video  than to rely on cam-whoring friends or videographer with shaky hands because of masturbating too much.

Customs

Make sure you have your tea set ready for tea ceremony, with a small basin of water to wash the cups after using. I have been to a few weddings and during tea ceremony, the helper had to practically scramble into the kitchen to and fro to wash cups and to pour tea. Ridiculous! In one occasion, when the newly wed arrived at the house, then only the family members unpacked the tea set from the box and boil water to make tea. DUH!

Ensure the people for tea ceremony are aware of the tea ceremony taking place to avoid younger relatives to have a go first before the elderly – which I find a major taboo for weddings. Please show some respect and common sense!

Get a tai kam cher with experience and does not stammer when uttering auspicious words. On Saturday, the Tai Kam Cher went, “Errr…. Errr…. Ahh…” in every sentence she uttered and most of us felt like slapping her. On another occasion, I was very annoyed when the Tai Kam Cher practically shoved me to all corners and tell me, this is the best angle to take pictures. Hello? If you are such a genius, why don’t you hold the camera. Ensure everyone play their OWN part and not to stick their nose at anyone else’s business. Better still, do away with Tai Kam Chers!

Games to play pranks on the bridegroom ought to be kept to a minimum. I find it rather senseless to embarrass bridegrooms in public. Not that I have no sense of humor but I think it’s a waste of time. Please avoid all stuntman required tricks. It’s your wedding. You don’t want your husband to break a leg trying to grab a banana hoist some 10 feet in the air.

Anything else you may want to add?

13 Responses to “Tips for Fuss Free Weddings”

  1. laymank Says:

    like I said before, you are too nice to others…

  2. zing Says:

    Hahaha… you mean you “almost” but didn’t bitch slap the others? :P
    My younger sister is getting married soon, will let her know about this…

  3. takeshi kenishiro Says:

    mine’s the simplest, chaotic and the best right? ahem. lol. too bad, not many of them were alcoholics……lol.

    wedding sucks and i m glad its over. it’s for lovesick birds….lol.

  4. zewt Says:

    think you need to find hotel to begin with… the most challenging task based on current climate.

  5. Leona Says:

    I hate fussy weddings.

  6. eddie Says:

    yes … i think that bloody Tai Kum cher (aka Tahi Cum Che!) deserve a slap. not proficient some more wanna direct photographer where to stand. buggar. PUI

    e

  7. Simple American Says:

    I had a horrible photographer. Paid for the asshat too. Many important photographs did not develop. Developing should not be a problem anymore with so much digital photography.

    This jerk I hired gave me a picture of a zebra penis, like that would compensate for his inadequacy as a photographer. He almost got a free flying lesson from his 14th floor dorm room.

    Thus I suggest hiring an established professional and let your friends enjoy the wedding.

  8. anigma Says:

    laymank: Where got?

    zing: Yes. Please tell your sis don’t repeat the same mistakes.

    takeshi: Yours is very unconventional wedding. It’s more like reunion of your old classmates to keep on bashing you and flashing their bling blings outings.

    zewt: Yeah.. ironically, come to think of it, it doesn’t usually rain when there is wedding. Amazing.

    Leona: I don’t like weddings. Period.

    eddie: LOL! Different tahi cum che lah. The stammering one did not ask me where to take pics. There was another one.

    SA: I am so sorry to hear that! That is why I suggest 2 photographers instead of one. Just in case the other one screw up.

  9. Lengx2 Says:

    hahahaha…. brilliant post!
    Love the photographs and videos part :)

  10. Shae Says:

    I so agree with ur last piece of advice on playing pranks on the groom… i just don’t get that part of the entire custom… he loves her lar tt’s y he married her… what else to prove? And wearing so nice, some even ask the groom to do pumping… I mean hello.. it’s his wedding day not ‘working out at the gym’ day, goodness!!

  11. anigma Says:

    Lengx2: Headache lah deal with such people.

    Shae: Yeah… I never think it’s fun to make fun of the groom.

  12. aSstHa Says:

    hehe… gina… that’s wer the “heng dais” come in for the pranks… i attended my ex bf’s wedding last week (from the wedding eve buffet right up to the wedding dinner itself)… n he had so many “heng dai”s that he didn’t even have to do anything…

    i guess it’s a bit mean but it’s the only time we can get them to do outrageous stuff and get away with it… that’s d fun part of the wedding for me i guess… i love weddings… i’m a sucker for all this… :lol:

    but yeah… shud b safe… n require minimal muscle involved which is why the weddings i attended only keep it to making them gorge the 4 tantalize your tastebuds with sweet, sour, bitter and spicy food… hahaha…

    all in all, it’s gud advice u hv there… will save for if and when i get married ;)

    happy weekend !!

  13. anigma Says:

    Hahha! I am sure by the time you get married, you would get lotsa advice from your friends and also from blogs. I just cannot stand weddings. I don’t like weddings. I always feel it’s an avenue for people to show off – career, husbands, money and material things. Yawnnnnnn

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