Good and Bad Neighbors

I have pretty decent neighbors. I have been living in the same house since I moved to Kuala Lumpur 18 years ago. The old petite Indian lady at the back of my house cooks really fantastic curries and we get to eat every Deepavali and on occasional days. The Malay neighbor on their right is also nice. We exchange goodies during festive seasons. Mandarin oranges and kuih bakul on Chinese New Year; cookies, ketupat and rendang on Hari Raya; kick-ass Indian curries and murukkus on Deepavali. They watch our house when my family goes back to Taiping every festive season. What more could you ask for?

Stories were a little different concerning the Chinese neighbors though. We have changed a few neighbors till now, the current neighbor has been with us the past 5 or 6 years.

The previous neighbor was really a pain in the ass. He would scream loudly at his children or had huge arguments with the wife. Apparently, this prick had an affair outside and the wife found out and asked for divorce. They ended divorced and moved out. There was a tree in front of his house ripe with mangoes. Since they were moving away in haste and didn’t manage to pluck the mangoes, my mom was courteous enough to ask if she could have some. Guess what did the neighbor do?

Upon hearing this, he poured an entire bottle of paraquat on the tree killing it instantly. Well, I hope his dick shriveled up like the poisoned mangoes on the tree and couldn’t get an erection as long as he lives.

After that dickhead left, there was a group of very young girls living in the house. My mom called them the vampires because they slept in the afternoon and then went out late at night till wee hours in the morning. I saw them before in the middle of the night after late night party. As I was getting into my house, I saw the girls wear really skimpy clothes and puffing away. I didn’t want to judge them but from the way they are behaving, they look like prostitutes.

My mom complained that in the afternoon, sometimes, they would play music so damn loud – and worse, they even played music of people moaning and groaning having sex.

Thank goodness they only live there temporarily for a few months and moved out, till we have the current left neighbor.

The neighbor on my left hand side could be quite annoying at times. Sometimes, they like to park indiscriminately in front of my house. When I was working in KL, I had to force myself to ring their door bell at 6.45 am to ask them to move their car in order for me to I reverse mine. Sometimes you could hear weird noises from their house at wee hours in the morning – like someone using a lesung to make sambal belacan at 3 am and once, as I was still online till wee hours in the morning, I heard them using a power hammer. WAH LAO EH! Who on earth would do such things at 2 in the morning???

It was a lucky thing that the sounds went off 15 minutes after that. Or else, I would have a word with the grandmother in the morning. (The grandmother is the “chief” in the house and would tell them off if they irk us, the neighbors! Hehe!)

Apart from these, they are pretty much amicable neighbor. The big family always gives us fish as they are fish sellers, and in return, we would give them chicken or vegetables.

The neighbor on the right is another story altogether. I haven’t met such selfish people before in my entire life.

Some years ago, during one night on New Year’s Eve, my uncle accidentally drove my dad’s car into the ditch. My family went out to help to try to move the car out from the ditch. Since it’s a small old Toyota Corolla, I think if there were two more persons, we would be able to move the car out from the ditch. This neighbor came out to check what the commotion was all about. Instead of lending his hand, he stood there, with his arms crossed behind his back and watched us.

I asked if he could help. He stared at me as if I were speaking Greek. After trying to get it out and couldn’t, we decide to call for a tow truck. The selfish bastard was still standing there with his arms crossed behind his back and watching us helpless with the car in the ditch. Utterly pissed, I couldn’t refrain myself from telling him off – asking him to get lost if he doesn’t want to help. I think he’s probably deaf or retarded. He still stood there and stared at us.

Recently, the Mechanic parked his car at the back lane of this neighbor’s house. Since, it’s a back lane belonging to two neighbors with their backyard facing each other (one is the moron’s and the other is an empty house), I am pretty sure that back lane belongs to no one. The asshole actually let the air out from one of the tyres of Mechanic’s Volvo. If he doesn’t like us parking behind his house, he should have let us know. Further, the Mechanic took great pains to park his car very near the ditch in order not to take up too much space at the back lane. And, he only parks his car perhaps, 4-5x per month as sometimes, he would come in his motorbike.

We don’t even make noise when he took his small little dog out and take a dump at our backyard and now, he’s doing this to us. Fucking morons! (Imagine.. a balding man in his 40s having Paris Hilton’s small puppy as pet! What a pussy!)

Well, I think everyone has a fair share of moronic neighbors but I guess mine is still tolerable. I think I should pay more attention to the nice neighbors I have and ignore this prick. I wonder where do they sell their bak kut teh. With this kind of attitude, I don’t think they could have good business.

I hope that these morons would one day beg for help and till then, we will see who would lend a hand in times of their needs after all these years of being selfish bastards. Probably I would knock myself out, putting my arms behind my back like he did and put up the widest grin on my face as he mutters profanity for not giving him any assistance. Oh boy! Revenge is sweet! (Dreaming only lah!) Or better still, please move far far away from us.