Burger or Steak?

I like having short conversations with my sis during our daily commute to office and back home. Sometimes, she could say the darnest things.

We had a short conversation on boyfriends – both serious and merely friends. She finds, less educated men are easier to please and they are more spontaneous and highly likely to be more “cin cai”.

“Look at Mechanic and his friends. They just decide everything on the spot on what they want to do. One person say go Genting, then one guy would just offer to drive up and off we went. Go karaoke. Fine. Call the karaoke joint to book and we went singing, didn’t ask about the cost. Only mumble – Wah.. kam kiu kuai keh? (Cantonese: So damn expensive!) when paying and that’s about it. No more bickering endlessly after that,” she said.

“Hmm… true also..” I agreed.

“You see my uni mates. One fella – this cannot that cannot. Everything must follow his choice!” she said.

“Your friend Kok Weng is nice. And he’s also your uni mate.” I said.

“Yeah.. that one is an exception lah.. he’s exceptionally nice. Mom likes him very much you know…” She said.

I wonder what she meant by that, “Mom likes him very much YOU know”. LOL!

She quickly added, “No need to look far lah. Look at your guy friends. Don’t eat this lah… don’t fancy that lah.. afraid of heights lah, the room smells funny, etc. My gawd. Get a grip!”

LOL!

Yesterday night, as I went bar hopping with Takeshi, the same thing happened. Since he’s a highly educated archipet* with exquisite taste, he too has problems making very small decisions.

Takeshi: What should I eat yeah? Burger or steak?

Me: Your stomach mah. Why you ask me?? And you are paying what, not I pay!

Takeshi: Shit la you. Do you have a coin?

Me: Ah???? Sai mm sai ah??

Takeshi: Faster gimme a coin. Head or tail? Which one is tail ah?

Me: The number is tail lah.

Takeshi: Is it? Not the other way round meh?

Me: …..

Takeshi: Okay.. the number is steak.

*flip coin*

Me: So it’s burger..

Takeshi: Yes ah burger ah? Hmmph.. let me think again.

Me: Jesus! By the time you decide, the kitchen’s gonna close!!

Takeshi: Shit!!! Order! Wei.. order!!

True enough. The kitchen is closed. LOL. Tai sei.

I shared the conversation I had with my sis with another friend online.

He asked, “Will you be happy with someone who earn less than you? And less educated than you? Some will be ok. Some I don’t think so in the long run. Maybe what you mentioned to me… is so profound, try finding someone who you have to change the least….”

I replied, “Yes. My sis is the good example already. I find as long as the person treats you good, that is the most important. Treat you good and with utmost respect and respect your family. Money can’t buy respect. What’s the point having phd? Or degree and live in bungalow, has tonnes of money, yet the attitude is like shit?”

To which he added, “So not the 5 Bs or the 5 Cs or the 5 Ms? Sometimes, I really feel tired about life. Too many tasks, expectations……..”

See.. educated people… SIGH!

What say you?

*Architect. But for Takeshi, he’s an archipet.

Kai Fan Story

I had kai fan (Cantonese: chicken rice) yesterday when I suddenly thought of stories associated with this food.

Story no. 1

My cousin’s colleague is a Canadian Chinese working in Malaysia. So, during lunch, they went to have lunch at a local coffee shop.

The conversation went on like this:

Canadian dude: How do you call “breasts” in Cantonese?
My Cousin: “LIN lahhhhhhh!”
Canadian dude: Okay, thanks.

He walked to the chicken rice stall and said rather loudly in Cantonese, “Si Tao Por! Pei ngor KAI LIN FAN yatt tip!” (Gimme a plate of chicken rice with breasts meat)

My cousin and the rest of his colleagues were stupefied and turned red. It didn’t help either that the middle aged lady manning the chicken rice stall has well endowed assets too. It was a lucky thing that the lady boss was in a good mood that day and gave him what he wanted.

It’s called “Kai hong. And not kai lin!” *Wei Han, please take note. LOL.

Story no. 2

William, the very nice guy who was gracious enough to host us when we visited in Kota Kinabalu two years ago, is also a fan of kai fan.

Being rather new in KL during his uni days, his Cantonese was not that good. But at least, he tried his best to converse in Cantonese.

He also spoke to hawkers in Cantonese when he kanjiong-ly ordered his kai fan, “Kai fan yatt phoon!” (Direct translation from Mandarin – in Cantonese, it actually meant, one basin of chicken rice.)

Story no. 3

This one is classic. Also a case of direct translation from Mandarin to Cantonese.

My sis in law’s brother – “Pei ngor kai chee pung”. He meant chicken wings. (direct translation from Mandarin – “chi zhi pang”)

Story no. 4

When I was in college, there was this really tasty chicken rice near TAR College. My housemates and I would eat kai fan on alternate days and wouldn’t get bored.

Then another housemate said to me – “Eyeh.. day day also kai fan. Make sure you brush your teeth ok! Coz the smell from the garlic chilli is terrible. I damn hate my classmate. She everyday also eat kai fan then likes to stand so close to me and talk near my face!”

Moral of the story is.. please brush your teeth after you eat kai fan coz your mouth stinks big time. Her remark just put kai fan in the same league as petai and durians.

There you have it… inane stories related to much loved Malaysian dish- kai fan. Sorry lah… I am damn, damn bored in office. LOL.

*Apologies: You have to understand both Mandarin and Cantonese to get Story no. 1, 2 & 3.

House Arrest

I self imposed a house arrest since last Friday. I don’t know why but I am just too lazy to go anywhere. I thought of going for some last minute shopping or maybe, just go get some toiletries as the ones at home are finishing soon but I just don’t have the mood.

I have been watching tv, stuff my face silly with cookies, mopping around the house (yes, as in sweeping and mopping and not merely lazying at home) and sleep. And I slept at all the wrong time. I slept in the afternoon for hours as soon as I finished lunch and I only slept at 3 to 5 in the morning. I found it hard to get up to get to work this morning. Thank goodness the office is quite empty. Nobody would notice I snored in my cubicle anyway.

I think from next year onwards, by hook or by crook, I will go back to Taiping – or like a friend said, just follow the tukang masak (my mom) wherever she goes on festive season.. or else, I would go hungry. Never before I ate roti canais for CNY! Haha! Very pathetic indeed! Somehow, I self invented a dish of risotto from left over rice on Monday night. Just two eggs, tomato sauce and fragrant rice. Too bad there is no cheese in the fridge! Simple dish can be delicious!

On why didn’t I follow the family back to Taiping – very inane story. At first everybody decided not to go and stay put in KL for the celebration but change their minds last minute. So now, everybody is in Taiping except for me, sister and the Mechanic. I didn’t apply for leave and I have an audit next Monday, so I had to work.

On Monday night, I was shocked when a man turned up at my gate while my dad was preparing to get out from the house to ta pao something to eat. He said something to my dad while I looked on from inside the house. I asked my dad to ignore him. Being old and feeble, I was kinda worried that he might lost his balance or something while holding bicycle and locking the gate. I prayed hard that this man did not mean any harm.

Then my dad went on his way, the man shouted at me and asked if he could come in. Crazy! I ignored him, locked all doors and went inside the house. I went upstairs to have a peek at him from the balcony. There, I saw him walking towards another two men waiting opposite my house and talking to them while looking back at my house. According to dad, the man wanted to come in to my house for a “drink” and he was reeking with alcohol smell!

You cannot blame me for worrying because there was a case along the road, in front of my house where a housewife was attacked by man wielding parang and her son was knocked on the head with a spanar. The man made away with RM5,000 (according to Chinese newspapers last week) and the housewife was hospitalized with both hands injured, probably impossible to get back to work because she is a clerk and she needed her fingers to type.

Before the Chinese new Year, my colleague also told me that, just a few houses away from where she stays, a man also walked towards a neighbor while she was parking and robbed her of her bag. She was about to let go her bag to the snatch thief, but the thief slashed her arms and her hands. She needed 12 stitches on her right hand. A call to the police was ignored. The police even hang up on my colleague’s mom when she called to make a report. The man then walked towards two waiting motorcycles with 3 other accomplices and successfully got away.

So I guess, worrying about safety is one of the big reason why I self imposed a house arrest on myself. (Apart from being very lazy to even take a bath, then dress up, take the car keys and drive out –damn.. I am sooo.. sooo damn lazy).

Also on the first day of CNY, did anyone of you catch the sun eclipse? According to Joey Yap and a lot of websites, it’s very bad luck to look at the solar eclipse.. any eclipses for that matter.. is not advisable. So I practically hibernated (actually slept like a pig) in my “bomb shelter” (my very dark room with a lot of antiques furniture) till 8 pm. Some websites even predicted earthquakes. There were two in Indonesia this morning. There will be some 6 eclipses this year, so people, stay out from the sun.

Hollywood Dreamin'

“I swear to God Heath Ledger was my classmate in college!” I told a friend in a serious tone.

“You’ve been watching too much tv again!” the friend answered, trying hard not to roll her eyes in disbelief.

“I think he just sat right there and he spoke to me! I swear!” Still trying hard to convince my friend.

“Ok! So what? So what if he’s your classmate?” she jested.

“True.. nobody would believe me anyway,” I gave up in frustration.

In my heart, I thought, if I tell people this, they would say I must be dreaming. I hope this dream would go on forever and I never wake up.

******

A movie producer dropped by my office to look for old magazines. I was surprised they wanted one issue which has a summary of what’s happening from 1983 to 2000. I showed to my lady editor boss which magazines he chose for her to quote a price.

As I was doing the calculation, she said, we ought to give him a discount since he’s buying in bulk.

She told me to price the old bumper issue at $399 to be segregated into 6 payments and each payment was further given a 10% discount.

Being really bad at Math, I was searching for a calculator and found that the batteries were dead. As I was doing calculation manually with my handphone with jammed key pads, there were noises at the back of my head and I was frustrated.

Then, the lady boss came out to check on the pricing again and argued with another clerk on how to label the price tags.

The noise heightened when the movie producer came by to ask if we had the magazines readily priced so he could make payment and he couldn’t wait much longer.

Instead of helping me with the invoice, the lady boss was still bickering with the clerk. I couldn’t contain my anger and shouted at the top of my voice to tell them to get a grip.

I startled at my own yell and woke up. It’s already 10.47 am.

Chinese New Year

I remember those days when there was no internet. Yes, I am that ancient. LOL. I used to buy Chinese New Year cards by the bulk, equipped with a few strips of 20 sen stamps and I began writing as early as a month before CNY to my relatives, cousins and good friends in Taiping, Penang and Kuala Lumpur. Then, the stamp fee increase to 30 sen per card and we were not allowed to seal the card. Sealed cards cost more. Then, behold the internet. We started to send greeting cards using 123greetings or blue mountain. Everything became cheaper!

Still, every year, there are five people who would send me a CNY card without fail. They are my insurance agent, the guy who sold me my Ferrari, my beautician, my car insurance agent and a former classmate who wish to sell me insurance. Oh yeah, I forgot there is also another guy from Great Eastern who would send me cards for all occasions and sometimes hand made them himself.

It is also a time to buy cartons upon cartons of chrysanthemum, winter melon and this year’s latest invention, the mixture of chrysanthemum and lor hon kuo. Taste pretty good! These are usually bought just in case if there’s any visitor to the house. Normally, we would finish all the drinks before the 15 days are over! With the kids around the house, probably this year, we would finish the drinks in 5 days.

As for dried meat, my family prefers Kiew Brothers’ compare to other brands. Some complained it’s too sweet, but I think the meat is the tenderest. I prefer the minced one to the sliced meat because the sliced one is just too hard to chew and somewhat lack the “smoked” smell. I don’t like Loong Kee’s because it contains too much fatty meat and just taste funny, Hock Seng Guan or the “aeroplane” brand because it would take forever to chew because of the hardness.

My family doesn’t buy Mandarin oranges because we get them for free from suppliers and contractors in my office. I think this year, I alone got the entire crate of Mandarin oranges given over the last few days in office. I don’t eat them, so most of them are for guests or to bring with me to visit friends as symbolic gestures.

For lucky draw in office this year, I got myself a box of chocolate. My boss gave me a bottle of Martell. I think I have the word “alcoholic” written all over my forehead. Unlike yesteryears, there wasn’t many hampers this year, so I didn’t get red wine, bird nests, abalone or mushrooms. Let’s be optimistic! There is always next year.

Anyway, the above are the usual happening for my annual, very ordinary Chinese New Year. This year, I won’t be going back to Taiping. Funny how, as much as I dread to go back to hometown and stuff my face silly with food and remain vegetative in front of the tv, I felt a bit lost now of what to do staying in Kuala Lumpur.

Anyway, I think I shall go back to Taiping when the festive season is over to avoid the crazy jams and traffic madness. We don’t have to go back to our hometown to visit our dear ones only on festive seasons. We can do it any other time of the year. It’s sad to see those who live near their aged parents don’t even bother to go home to see them while some of us have to drive very far to see our old parents or take flight back to hometown every 2-3x a year just to visit. Appreciate our parents when they are still around. There might not be much longer time for us to enjoy their company.

Well, here’s wishing everyone a very Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Holidays. Drive safely. May the year of Ox brings you good health, much love and happiness. And most of all, chut yup peng onn (safety wherever you go).