Archive for January, 2010

Random Notes

January 30, 2010

Perang Mulut

A friend shared with me her story in the office today. Her manager pushed her forehead when she accidentally caused her panic. Well, my friend is a very tiny girl who might even fly when the wind blows, so imagine. I was very furious. How can you use physical force to intimidate people, let alone in the office??

I told this friend that, if someone ever push me on the forehead or touch me for that matter, I’ll make sure that’s the last time he or she will be able to use his or her hand. She said, I am so ganas! Haha! Anyway, I don’t think anyone in their right minds would want to pick up a fight with me. They know very well that they will lose by sheer size alone. Haha! Normally, in office, so far, I’ll engaged in perang mulut if colleagues behaving moronically. The trick to win any argument hands down, is to listen to what the other person has to say first. Then when it’s your turn, use whatever evidence you have subtly. Best is, to use their own words against themselves. It’s akin to slapping themselves hard on the face without them even knowing and without provocation. I am pretty good at this. Haha!

Dead People Are Naïve

I was having this conversation about dead people with my mom over lunch just now. She said, an undertaker used to tell her, whenever she has problems dressing up a dead person because the body was too hard, she will trick the dead people by saying good things.

For instance, when my grandmother died a few years ago, she was dressing her but found it hard to clothe her. So she persuaded my dead grandma by saying, “Come on, let’s dress you up. You will wear very nice blouse so later you can go and meet the Buddha.” The body went relaxed automatically and made it easier for her to dress her!

The same happened to my cousin’s grandma. The daughters in  laws were trying to put on shoes for her but they didn’t fit because of her bloated feet. So, my aunt spoke to the dead and said, “Wah! This shoes cannot wear ah? Never mind, mother. I’ll throw this away and buy you a new pair!” My aunt threw away the shoes, then went to pick them up. This time, the shoes fit just nicely!

Believe it? You betcha!

Water bed

Last night as I was preparing myself to go to bed, I found my pillow and bolster were wet! Then my blanket was also wet! So was my comforter! I thought QQ must have slept here in the afternoon and peed on my bed! I was furious because I had to change my bed sheet and pillow cases in the middle of the night when I was so damn tired! Just when I was about to sleep, the neighbour’s house alarm was set off! It’s happening rather frequently that I thought of the story – the Boy Who Cried Wolf. I think nobody is going to give a shit if it happens every 2 nights and no one is going to render help if one day, the house is really being broken into.

Anyway, this morning, I discovered that, my “water” bed was due to leakage on my room’s ceiling. Apparently, there was a heavy rain in the afternoon yesterday and since I was in the office, I didn’t even notice. Poor QQ kena cursed for no reason!

Better Shut Up Lah!

January 25, 2010

Last Friday, I was at my friend’s pre-wedding buffet party. There were much merriment in the house with close-knitted family and friends. The buffet spread was great, especially when Mrs Yap cooked them all herself! Imagine rendang ayam at its best, stewed pork belly, crispy buttered prawns, yam cake, chai ngor.. (she’s my chai ngor sifu by the way), etc. Then, there was this little girl from next door came over to celebrate too with her mom and dad. She’s only 2.5 years old but the way she talked and walked, she sure looked like an adult.

She was polite enough to address everyone in the house. When she was about to address me, she didn’t hesitate and called me, “Fei Fei” on the spot. My friends laughed so hard. I too, chuckled away. Cilakak budak! Never give face! I thought to myself. Then I told her, it’s okay for her to call me “Fei Fei” but she better not start calling all fatties she might meet, the same.

Then, we were looking at my friend’s wedding picture. Curious, the little girl demanded to have a look too. Since I was engrossed in looking at the pictures, I ignored her. Then, she suddenly called me “Jie Jie” instead of “Fei Fei”. Her mom came in just when I teased the little girl, “Very pandai ah you! When you want something, you call me Jie Jie lah? Just now you call me Fei Fei?” The little girl looked disappointed and started to sulk.

The mom turned red and somewhat appeared to be apologetic. I was thinking, she must be very embarrassed that she didn’t teach the daughter how to behave.

“Oh! She was watching tv with this character Fei Fei in the series. So, she thought you look like Fei Fei. Fei Fei in the series ah, is pregnant. So now, she sees somebody looked like Fei Fei, she will call her Fei Fei. She didn’t mean it.” Her mom offered explanation rather apologetically.

My mind went blank for awhile.

What was that? What was her mom trying to tell me? Is being labeled pregnant far, far better than being fat? Hello? I know I am fat. I am ok if small children called me a fatty because I know one day, they will too, ended being as fat as or much, much grossly obese than me when they grow up. Karma is a bitch! LOL! Evil thoughts!

I was rather amused by her explanation. Hilarious! Sometimes, things are better off left at where it is. You know. Just laugh at it, and shut the fuck up if you have nothing better to say.

Well, I think at least, one thing came out good for sure. We know her daughter is not capable of telling lies.

Road Idiots

January 22, 2010

I guess I am one of the lucky few people who don’t need to be on the road for long hours to get to work. If your work place is just 5 minutes away from your house, I tell you, you will never change your job. Haha!

Anyhow, this does not stop me from experiencing blood pressure rising moments on the road when meeting with these people (are they even human??) during one of my rare drives. Seriously, I salute myself (when I was working in the heart of KL) and some of you people who have to brave 1-1.5 hours jam to work every morning. For entertainment sake, I put up some drawings to illustrate how frustrating it is to encounter such morons and idiots on the road.

Don’t you just hate it when a moron hogs your lane when he was supposed to keep to his right in order to get into the lane he wanted? I supposed he’s not lost because there are MANY of such kind trying to cut the Q by going into people’s lane only to get back to their lanes to avoid waiting time.

Don’t you just hate it when a moron hogs the left turning because he cannot wait at the long traffic light and trying to cut into the lane as soon as the light turns green.

Don’t you just hate it when you are driving on the fast lane, then there’s this idiot coming at you from behind at even faster speed?? Like running 180 kmph on a 80 kmph lane??? The best part is all the cars in front of you are also travelling at 80 – 100 kmph only and there are SO MANY CARS on the road. Worse is when you are driving at night and these road bullies modified their headlights which can blind you!?

This happened awhile ago and I wrote about it. I think this is THE ULTIMATE cause of traffic jams in Malaysia. So many KPC on the road!!

Some people just like to hog the fast lane even when they are driving like 50 kmph on a rather clear road. Please lah. If you want to take all the time in the world, please go to the slow lane lah.  Better still, don’t drive,  please do everyone a favor and buy yourself a bus card. Like that, you can even sleep in the bus! You might cause accidents if some idiot coming at you as fast as running away from the meteorites in 2012!

I can NEVER understand people who drive 40 – 60 kmph on the fast lane.

This happened in my office. Imagine, the company compound is quite large, there are plenty of parking spaces. One would just need to walk a bit further away if one could not get a parking lot nearby office. However, there is this particular moron who always park at the passage way where cars would be passing by. This of course, inevitably caused inconvenience to others. The best part is, this moron would scream at the security guard whenever he asked her not to park there. What a moron, huh?

They say, if you repeat the same mistake twice, then you are stupid. How about if you repeat 10x? Haha! I rest my case.

Well, hope you had a laugh. We all need a little humor every day. What to do? God made jerks, morons and idiots and put them in this world to entertain Himself. Haha.

Hope you have a great weekend ahead.

* The rectangular shapes represent vehicles lah.

Random Notes

January 21, 2010

No Mandarin orange kah?

This year, Chinese New Year falls on 14th February. Till now, there is no mandarin orange in sight. For the past few years, a month before CNY, my house would be packed with mandarin oranges, courtesy from our suppliers, vendors, contractors, clients, etc. The office is always very generous in giving out oranges given by our counterparts. Almost every day till CNY, we would be getting 3-5 oranges per day to bring home. So, we would end up with 1-2 boxes by CNY, so we save a lot of money! My family don’t really eat mandarin oranges. We just give them away for our visitors or bring them with us when we visit other people. This year, nothing. Tarak. Zit. Elek. Zero. Then some people say economy is recovering. Recovering my ass. Orange pun tarak.

Speechless

Every day without fail, you will get all kinds of rubbish spewing from the mouths of our so called leaders. Like everyone else, for a very long time, we read papers these days not for news, but more for entertainment. Who needs gossip magazines when you have them every day in the national newspapers?

Busy Week

It’s already the 21st day to the new year. How time flies! For the past two weeks, I’ve been busy catching up with friends. Want to watch tv also no time! Sigh! So that explains the lack of updates. Simply no time and no mood, actually. And I am also mentally tired. I think I’ll write something when somebody pisses me off. Haha! I am getting very, very absent minded as well. If Kat didn’t sms me last week, I would have totally forgotten to pick her and Rob up from KLCC for dinner!

Credit card

I have yet to decide which credit card to forego because I don’t want to pay for the stupidly imposed RM50. EON Bank is solely for insurance because I could save the 5% interest if I pay monthly premiums to ING and 2% savings of total premiums if I pay annually. That’s a lot of savings if you bought a lot of insurance! Maybank, well despite it being an obnoxious bank, I kinda like the points redemption free gifts that came with the card. You get to redeem cool things with the least credit card points.  I think it would be good to have an international bank card if you are traveling, so I am keeping Citibank as well. Macam mana ni? *Scratch head*

Best Employee

January 17, 2010

I wrote about this ex boss here. Since I am a nice person (ahem!), I still keep in touch with her. About a month ago, she called me to offer me a job. Her immediate boss will be transferred to another department and would let her head her own department. So, she’s very excited to hire her own assistant. She asked me if I am interested to assist her again. I told her, why not? As long as the pay is good, I wouldn’t mind. She said she will let me know and the interview would just be a formality process. She wants me in the department. BADLY.

So, I had sleepless nights thinking of the impending new job.

What will happen to my current boss if I leave? Nobody is indispensable lah, please! Can he hire someone as efficient as me? Don’t flatter yourself! *Vomit* Oh, there go my long hours of sleep and jam-free journey to work! And I don’t even have to drive! You are just one bloody lazy pig! Ah, I will miss my mom’s cooking! Pig! Pig! Pig!

Then, right after my Guilin trip, she called. I haven’t really thought of moving yet. Then, she made me lose sleep for no reason.

“Sorry, I don’t think we can pay you. My company is now having cost cutting. We have to budget. So, I don’t think it’s fair to you.”

“It’s ok!” partly relieved that I don’t have to make decision. She had made it for me.

“So can you help me to find a staff?”

“Ok, I will forward details to my friends.”

“Thanks. I prefer somebody who is UNMARRIED.”

“…….” Speechless.

“SOMEONE LIKE YOU”

@#$%^&*&^%$###!!!!!!

“Why don’t you call our spinster colleague back in the finance institution??” Sarcastic.

“I don’t want her lah. I want someone younger. You know ah, unmarried people easier to deal with lah. No need to take leave because of children or husband. Later children sick lah this and that. I am also married so, I prefer somebody who is not married.”

“…..” fucking speechless.

“Then also someone who can stay back late after work one, don’t mind to stay back. Then, someone who doesn’t play politics. You know someone like you. I hate people who do office politics. If can ah, I sudah hire you lor! I really like you. You fit all  my requirements!”

“Oh yeah? I am the best employee ya? Thank you thank you! I am so honored!” – me thinking aloud. “Ok ok… I better go liao. No battery lah my phone.” Fucking pissed.

“OK thanks ya. You let me know okay if your friends are interested.”

“HELL YA!”

To the hell with her!

I simply don’t understand why she believes that unmarried people don’t have a life?? Being unmarried made a person less human is it? Is being unmarried a cardinal sin is it? That is why she can punish unmarried people by working them to death?

If a person is not allowed to go on leave, then please implement a job without annual leave lah! Or better still, go hire a robot lah! Don’t even need coffee or toilet breaks! Definitely won’t gossip also! Cilakak!


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