Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

The Man in Black Mesh Top

February 19, 2014

Been thinking of a man of the past. The man in black mesh top.

Had two dreams in two consecutive nights – not related.. and nothing dirty! Couldn’t really recall the dreams but they were pleasant. He is still his young self in my dreams – tall, dark and athletic. In both dreams, what I remember was his megawatt smile. His perfectly aligned teeth in his soft supple lips. How do I know his lips are supple? Well, I don’t. I just imagine they were. His eyes turned into two long slits because he was grinning ear to ear as he was teasing me incessantly.

When I woke up, the memories of yesteryears flooded my mind. They were all bittersweet memories. Weird thing was, the brain somehow selectively chose the good memories, amplify them and discarding bad ones. The neurons just happened to sweep away the bitter memories. Perhaps signs of old age… forget the past, keep the good ones, live in the present and bring on the future?

So, what’s with this black mesh top?

I was watching Girls HBO’s episode where Hannah was trading her skimpy top to a even skimpier yellow mesh tank top while high on drugs. The sight of the yellow mesh top just triggered some cells in my brain.

I remember him telling me he once wore a black mesh top and went out with his friends to Sg. Wang. Well, he has a nice body and has every right to flaunt it if you ask me. Further it was such an 80s thing.. maybe he went for some costume party? I am not sure but he sure has his own peculiar style of dressing.

He was having teh tarik with his friends when suddenly an old woman came from behind him, hugged him and grabbed his chest. She ran away after that. He was confused and shocked at the same time. Probably all his friends laughed till they fell off their chairs. I would if I were there! I think it was a pretty hilarious moment!

There you have it.. seriously funny incident of the man in black mesh top.

Pattern

February 3, 2014

Was having conversation with brother last night, when I mentioned the word, “Pattern” which made him laughed like crazy. Well, for those who converse in Northern Malaysian Hokkien, you probably know what I mean. Hence, the title of this blog post is dedicated to this English word, which used rather frequently, often in bad light in a Hokkien conversation. It loosely carries the meaning “antics” in English.

Chin Che Pattern!

This is usually used to air frustrations when one comes into a conversation which usually gossipy/whiny in nature and said that the person they talked about is “Chin Che Pattern!”

Example: Ani kuan ah beh, Ane kuan ah beh! Chin che pattern!

Meaning, “Like this also cannot, like that also cannot. So many requests!”

Pattern Liau Liau

Also used similarly in the above sentence but can be negative/ positive.

Example: Ani kuan ah beh, Ane kuan ah beh! Pattern liau liau!

Also, can be used in favorable moment, such as, heaping praise or expressing amusement on a toddler’s antics.

Example: Lu kua chi geh gee na. Pattern liau liau! Chin chia ho chiou.

Meaning, “You look at this child. So many antics! Very funny!”

Cho hamik Pattern

This is used when one – also air frustrations when one couldn’t read or guess what the other person wanted.

Example: Mmm chai ai an jua. Kua ee cho hamik pattern!

Meaning, “Don’t know what he or she wants! Let’s see what he/she wants!”

Can also be phrased in this way, Mmm chai hamik pattern.

Meaning, “Don’t know what pattern/antics!”

Cho Pattern

Loosely means… behave foolishly/badly or unacceptable.

Example: Lu kua! Cho pattern liau!

Meaning, “You see! Start behaving badly already!”

See lang pattern

I think probably only my family used the word “See lang” which means dead person – not literally mean dead person.. we usually used this word when we are really angry!

Example: Lu kua! Mmm chai hamik see lang pattern!

Meaning, “You see! Don’t know what kind of (dead person) antics are these!”

Normally used to air grievous disappointment/ anger or frustrations.

Ok.. I guess broken Hokkien tutorial stops here before I go on murdering this mother tongue of mine. Haha.

Tan Tong Ku

January 3, 2014

Yesterday was a rest day, so most of the family members were in the house. Since CNY is round the corner, we gathered it would be a good day to start some spring cleaning. My bro in law was cleaning my sister’s car, so he thought he might as well clean my car. Shy to say, I was too tired for sleeping in late the night before so, I was taking care of Ern Ern and both of us went for an afternoon nap.. more like she was watching me snoring away and laughed till she fell asleep herself!

As my brother in law was cleaning my car, he took out the mat below the car seat to dust. Lo and behold.. he found a colony of mushroom on the floor of the car! He said, in his almost 25 years of being a mechanic, he never seen a car growing so much mushrooms! Heck! He never seen a mushroom growing in a car before! So this is the first! I guess we can all now go buy 4D! What’s tong ku’s number ah? Faster check the 4D book! Haha!

On a second thought, perhaps I should be more diligent in washing my car and not wait till months to wash it. LOL. This old car served me really well the past 10 years…. here’s to another 10 years to come!

On Fire!

December 5, 2013

I’ve been thinking a lot lately… about the muscular and ripped firemen in Australia!

Since I saw the photos on Karen Cheng‘s Instagram, I was thinking – I gotta have one! Haha. I remember my neighbour’s house was on fire some months ago and none of the firemen here in Malaysia look like that… I saw a really scrawny guy trying in vain to roll up the hose while his other burly looking colleagues just sat down and watched him with disinterest. Sigh.

So I asked my friends jokingly what will my colleagues think of me if I were to put such calendar on my work desk?

My friends just laughed and said, it’s the same as when men put skimpily dressed girls or girls in bikinis on their desks.

Another friend commented that, if firemen in Singapore look like that, she will set her house on fire gladly. LOL!

I told them, if I really put such calendar on my office’s desk… then the next day, ALL the men in my office will come to work wearing chastity belts!

Haha!

Well, I think it’s for a good cause – to donate AUD10 to the burn victims unit for a hospital in Perth.. if you are there, I guess you can buy calendars with these eye candies and have a great looking men to accompany you throughout the 12 months of year 2014!!

Ms Microwave

November 22, 2013

There’s a colleague in office who loves the microwave. When she first used the microwave, it’s like a caveman found fire. Seriously.

It all started since she got into a major argument with the “tai chow” shop in front of our office. Apparently, she told us that, the wife of the tai chow chef scolded her for trying to steal a fried egg from them without paying. She said, the wife charged her less then later realized that, she forgot to charge her for the egg, hence she accused her. I have a feeling that, she might bury the fried egg in her pile of rice… seen that happening to some of the cheapskates in office! What to do? With the current escalating living costs, I think everyone would do whatever it takes to save the few ringgit or sen. LOL.

Since then, she refused to go to the shop to buy food. So, now, she would bring leftover rice from home the night before and food or worse, eat instant noodles three times a week. The interesting part is how she microwave her food. She would set high and nuke her food for 10 minutes. Yes, you read it right. 10 freaking minutes! I think her cooked fish would have morphed into fossil good enough to be converted into petrol for her car.

Then, the way she cooks her instant noodles.. fantastic! She would boil water – the water in the kettle which already been boiled but she will reboil the water without putting fresh water in it.. then, pour the boiling water into her bowl of noodles.. then, put into the microwave and nuke it again for 5 minutes on high. Whatever shit bacteria also gone.. probably sterilized till the extend, when the food enters her body, probably her entire body is sterilized too.

So, some of us who use the pantry for lunch now have to move to other places to steer clear from her. I read somewhere microwave is actually rather safe but who would want to take such risks of mild radiation? You heard of this “Sikit-sikit, lama lama jadi bukit?” This case would be “Sikit-sikit, lama lama jadi sakit.” Not only that, when she set her fried fish to be nuked in microwave for 10 minutes on high, we could hear oil splattering loudly in the microwave and we were so sure that the microwave might explode!

Then, she complained of her aching knees which couldn’t seem to recover. Another colleague pointed the obvious that it is highly likely due to her instant noodles regime thrice a week. This pisses her off. Don’t even get me started about the way how she use the nuclear device in the pantry!

Someone please shove a manual up her ass!


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 33 other followers