Archive for the ‘Journey of the Soul’ Category

Evil Spirits

March 11, 2013

I do not particularly believe in evil spirits but, I guess the past two months’ events had sort of shed some light or darkness, if you prefer, into my perspective.

A friend was renting out her apartment to two ladies for over 2.5 years and they had been great tenants. Paying rental on time, and there was not much issues in dealing with them till this year’s Chinese new year. Her maintenance office called her to inform her that, her two tenants who just came back from CNY holidays suddenly behaved strangely. There was a huge commotion in the house and suddenly, one of the girls ran out from the house and almost got hit by a passing van! Luckily the neighbours managed to save them and keep them safe till the police came. They sent one of them to the hospital – the one that almost got hit by a van. The other girl, has bruises all over her body but she could not recollect what happened to her. A grocer who operates a grocery shop opposite her unit told my friend that, the two girls went berserk and shouting at each other. They looked possessed.

Then, yesterday, the two boys my mom baby sat previously, came crying to our house. Their dad called my mom to ask for permission to send the two to our house. He didn’t sound too good either. We thought it was the normal domestic spat again. But this time, it was even more serious. The two boys bursting into tears and told us, their mom couldn’t recognize them anymore. Apparently, the mom was found hiding under the table in the morning and their dad went to get her out. She didn’t want to come out so the father dragged her out. She was tossing and screaming away. When the two boys approached her to calm her down, she couldn’t recognize them. And asked them, “WHO ARE YOU?” It’s obvious she had been possessed.

In the rainy afternoon yesterday, with dark and gloomy skies, they hired a medium to exorcise the spirit. They found out that it was a spirit of a beheaded woman. She refused to let go of the boys’ mother. I think somehow perseverance paid off. After a few hours of praying, the evil spirit left. The mom regained herself but she couldn’t remember what happened.

This gave me sleepless night. I will definitely say a prayer for her and the boys. Dealing with evil spirits is not a joke. I guess they do exist and we should not take them lightly.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

February 8, 2013

Just finished making some fatt gous or huat ge, if you prefer. Still using the same old pumpkin recipe! I wish I had gotten a bigger paper cup so that, the huat ge will look more “prosperous”. Haha.

I had a bad attempt in making nin gous on Wednesday night. Perhaps, I was just over confident? The caramelized sugar isn’t up to expectations, sort of dampen the mood to make proper nin gou. So, ended throwing 3 pairs of fish into the dustbin. I find, it’s not because of the “pantang larang” in making nin gou – like, nobody supposed to make noise, there shouldn’t be any disruption when you are making nin gou – even if somebody ring your door bell, you’re screwed… that sort of thing.. but I think it’s more towards your own mood. If you are in a good mood, your nin gous would turn up ok.. otherwise, better not make anything, if you are in a foul mood. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, so probably that’s why it affected my mood. Anyway, never say die! So, I calmed down on Thursday night, laid down on my bed for a few minutes before I went downstairs to start making nin gou. It worked! So… it’s good to keep calm at all times! And also, I discover, it’s best to use the correct proportion of flour to sugar – they must be equal. Then, you would get a good nin gou!

Things were not that smooth in office either. For some reason, my boss mistaken the questions I asked were from me. Actually, most staff wanted to know the affirmative answer to an issue but somehow, the management couldn’t give them black and white answer. So, I was merely conveying a message from the staff but got scolded instead. This is not good! This is probably the first time, I’ve seen my boss this mad – at me. In so many years of working here, he never once chided me for anything. So lesson learned. If colleagues wanted to know anything in future, they can all ask him themselves. Am not going to get myself entangled in this senseless mess! It sort of made me fucking pissed the whole day today but then, I got home.. and I calm myself down. It’s good to keep yourself out of shit which do not stink you!

Hopefully, this is the end of my series of bad luck this week.. and also end of the Dragon year. It wasn’t that smooth sailing year but I guess it’s good that, I am still healthy (I think!) and despite all the arguments, the family is still here for me. I hope to improve on my communication skills though. Also, it breaks my heart a very good friend of mine lost two of the most important persons in her life – her mom and her elder brother. My heart goes out to her in this time of loss. I could only imagine the magnitude of grief. I wish and hope she would stay strong and carry on this precious life. Am sure both her mom and brother are reunited in heaven, and looking down lovingly at her and would guide her through the thick and thin of life.

Well, Chinese new year is just about 24 hours away, so here’s dropping you guys a line to wish you, “Gong Xi Fa Cai! May the year of Snake brings you much to laugh about, more to eat and devour, more people and animals to love, more passion in achieving your life’s goals and most importantly, solid good health to enjoy all those things!” Thank you, dear readers for staying this long, to read my blog after all these years!

Mangsa Pendidikan

January 22, 2013

I guess many of us have watched that “Listen woman” fiasco on youtube. Well, seriously, I didn’t even get past watching till the animals part simply because I couldn’t stand her voice and her arrogant face! The audacity of flexing muscles just because you are an “adult” and very “educated”? Shame on you! Someone please get me a bag! I want to vomit!

Her arrogance reminded me of my school days. Being a rather avid reader since I was young, I gather my language skills developed tremendously, not to boast, but, I was above average in the Malay Language. I could write eloquently, thanks to mom for giving me extra pocket money to buy magazines like Dewan Siswa and Dewan Masyarakat. Of coz, I still had a life because I read Gila-Gila too. I love “Tiga Dara Pingitan”! That’s my favorite cartoon series! Haha!

When I was in Form 3, I took extra tuition class on this subject just to make sure I score well. When I was in the tuition class, I always did the homework that the tuition teacher gave us, on top of our school work given by teachers in school. I like writing essays and I found I could write in free flow format. Imagine, that time, without using computers, I didn’t even need a draft. I could just write on and on, in the exams to make it a final piece! The teacher in my tuition class was rather impressed with my essays and he would read them to the class, as an example of good writing and told me to keep it up.

Then, I got into Form 4. As usual, during the first few weeks in class, I already aimed to give my teachers a good impression. I wrote with all my heart for the first test in that language for teachers to gauge our standard. I received some 89% for that essay itself, the highest in class. Then, I was called to the front of the class when the teacher finally realized, I am a Chinese. She looked at me in disbelief.

She
: Ini karangan you tulis kah?

Me: Kalau bukan saya, siapa yang tulis?

She: I masih musykil lah.

Me: Kenapa?

She: Macam mana you boleh tulis karangan begitu baik?

Me: Sebab saya pandai. (HAHAHAHHAHAHHA in my heart)

She didn’t find it amusing.

She: You tiru kah?

Me: Kalau saya tiru, cikgu pergi cari lah contoh karangan ini. Tengok kalau cikgu boleh jumpa.

At this point, she’s pissed off already. And I was even more pissed off because I was accused of cheating!

She: Bawak exercise book! I nak tengok tulisan you!

Me: Ok.

Brought books to her to see.

She: I masih musykil.

Then I got pissed and brought my SRP result to prove I have what it takes.

Me: Cikgu, saya dapat A1 untuk SRP BM lah.

After this, the whole class roared with laughter. The teacher’s face was all red because she embarrassed herself. I suddenly became the heroin in the class for standing up for truth.

The teacher didn’t stop there. She slashed my points to only 50% by claiming not enough content. I was devastated. But from that day onwards, nobody in the class paid attention to her whenever she asked us questions – everyone of us, stood united against her. She would just come to class to teach but nobody would respond to her. We will be doing other work while in her class, Maths, Biology, Physics, etc and nobody paid her any attention. Sometimes, she would make all of us stand up the whole period and only allowed us to sit down if we answered her questions/responding to her questions but nobody answered her. When she called our names one by one, we gave her the standard answer to her question, “Entah lah”. So all of us remaining standing till the 40 minutes were up! So damn cool! I wish all of us have the strong will of 16 year olds who stood united with their friends to face tyranny and injustice.

I went on to score A2 for my Malay in my SPM. The BM teacher was “proud” of me because I was her student, she went about telling other teachers, I was a product of her class. But I totally ignored acknowledging her when I went back to school to collect my SPM results while thanking other teachers in front of her.

End of the World II

December 19, 2012

This morning, while buying nasi lemak….

Pakcik Ketayap: So, you ini Jumaat kerja tak?

Me: Kerja lah. Kenapa?

PK: Ramai orang ambik cuti lah.. hari nak kiamat.

Me: Aiyah… takkan berlaku lah.

PK: Mereka tanya I ada buka business… I cakap ada buka macam biasa lah.

Me: Ya lah.. apa nak takut? Kalau kiamat, semua sama-sama mati mah.

PK: Kalo betul hari kiamat, ramai orang akan jadi baik lo.

Me: Ya ya… kita tengok ada kes rompak tak Jumaat ini. Haha.

PK: Haha.

I forgot to tell him that, this Friday coincides with Winter Solstice festival ("Tong Chit") for the Chinese – when we made the tong yuen. So maybe, people are taking time off for prayers and reunions.

Then when I got home for lunch, I was told by my aunt that, usually, our Lunar Solstice falls on 22nd December every year. And whenever it falls on 21st December, something bad will happen. She said, back in 2004, the winter solstice fell on 21st December, 5 days later, the great tsunami which caused mass deaths happened. Anyone care to confirm?

Then last night, when my cousin came back for dinner, she said to me, her colleagues are getting winter clothings and sweater as well, because they are very sure that the climate would change drastically and there might be snow in Malaysia! …… Hahahahahahhaha! Well, never say never… I think I experienced hail storm before.. instead of rain, it rained ice! I was on my way back from visiting a friend’s mom in the hospital and got stuck in Subang and could basically hear "rocks" hitting my car!

Well, I did go shopping yesterday at Tesco and bought extra biscuits, instant noodles and canned food.. just in case… but I’ve forgotten about the candles!

Note: Just found out, why some tong chit falls on 21st. Leap year mah!! Ha ha.

God’s Grace

November 3, 2012

I can’t believe I am writing this but I feel that I must.

A few weeks ago, I was down and about regarding my work in the office. I feel that, I’ve been taken for a ride. Not that my boss is not good to me, he’s indeed the best boss anyone could ever have.. but I feel that he doesn’t fight enough for me. Fight for my permanent status for my job, instead of being contracted. I was so angry and pissed that I let all hell broke loose in the office. Haha. Never ever scorn a woman… hell hath no fury….

Coupled with loneliness, I felt my emotions were at the bottom of the barrel. I couldn’t see the light. I was at the verge of depression when my normally positively attitude decided to step up and snap myself out of it. This is not the only job in the world, I was telling myself. I can go and get another job, if they don’t appreciate me! What’s wrong with me man? I guess it’s probably because I’ve felt somewhat complacent after working so many years here. Working so near my home somewhat made me into this really lazy bugger. Haha.

Anyway, I chose not to wallow in self pity or self induced depths of despair. So, I tried to get rid of this feeling of negativity, I decided to join a church service.

For months, my sister has been bringing Ern Ern to church rather regularly to join the Sunday School class. Ern Ern seems to enjoy the class. She could blend in perfectly, the teachers there do not question whether or not you are a member of the church in order to join the Sunday School. Every Sunday, she asked if I want to go to church with her but my laziness set in.

No… I rather sleep I said… and I thought to myself, NO! I don’t like going to church because people always tell you what’s wrong with you and the people surrounding you. I’ve been to churches which preached punishments and rewards. I was so uptight when I was in my teens because of church teachings. I was so adamant that as Christians should behave like this and that, in order to show good example to the world. I rebuke friends who claimed to be Christians but never go to church. I rebuke Christian friends who read up on horoscopes and believing in them! I rebuke this. I rebuke that. Somehow or another, I just got so tired of rebuking and decided to fuck it. I am DONE being a Christian. Christian means no fun. Christian means you will lose all your friends and family members. Christian means you have a license to be a pain in the ass!

I’ve been in and out of church (usually, I only go when I feel my spirit is in a turmoil.. I am selfish like that) throughout the years, since I was baptized by the holy spirit at age 16. I like going to Catholic churches because they are not “in your face”. Most evangelistic churches would come and greet you, welcome you in their family.. and after they know you are a Christian, they would go, “Ok, one down. Next!” Haha. I attended churches because I just want to listen to God’s words, that’s all. Then, as I mature, I feel that, actually, it’s all about your personal relationship with God. It has nothing to do with which denomination you should choose to be closer to God. And it also doesn’t mean that, the bigger your church is, the more guaranteed your place is in heaven, etc. It’s just between you and God.

I went to church on Sunday together with Ern Ern and I proceeded to listen to the sermon. The preacher preached about “God remembers”. I suddenly felt self conscious and felt that, the words were meant for me. Eventhough I’ve been out of touch with God the past 20 years, perhaps this is the time to go back. I felt the spirit ministered to my heart that I need to be in God’s grace once again. I never felt so moved that tears started to stream down my eyes as we sang songs of worship.

I got home and the next day, I saw a friend online. I haven’t spoken to her in ages because she was always too busy. So that day, I didn’t know what got into me, I took the first step to message her to ask her to be careful since Hurricane Sandy would hit NYC soon, where she’s residing. We spoke more and more and eventually, she just shared with me of her own convictions. She told me she’s no longer goes to church but she gets her daily devotion and listening to words of God from this Pastor named Pastor Joseph Prince. I remembered his name. I remember this friend quit her job back in 2004 to attend this church in Singapore on full time basis and I thought she went nuts (at the same time, she learned to salsa!). I refused to go to the church she mentioned because I think it’s too extreme lah. Seriously, at that point of time, I thought she went to a cult church! So I thought of it no more.

Until our conversation on Monday shook my belief. Actually, after church – I was still in doubts of going back to church, I told God to show me more signs. Yes.. self doubt is lack of faith… so… he sent me this friend whom I haven’t spoken to for some time to share with me via gtalk! She started to share how God has spoken to her via Pastor Prince’s sermons and how he managed to interpret the original meaning from Hebrew to today’s English. As I listened, I told her, actually, I asked a sign from God to show me the way and I said to her - “So, God sent you???” and she just laughed.

She told me to google up on Pastor Joseph Prince and I did. I saw on his New Creation Church’s website – Theme of the Year – “Year of Unceasing Fruitfulness”. I listened to his sermons online and was blessed by God’s words:-

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit. Jeremiah 17:7–8

As if these words are still insufficient, again, the kiasu me asked for another sign from God. Just to make sure lah.

So, I flipped the Bible, and somehow, I landed on Psalm 1:1-3

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

Then a small voice in my heart told me to look for a bookmark in the Bible (which I’ve neglected over 20 years!). I flipped the pages and found a bookmark written by a friend, 20 years ago during Christmas and it said….

Ya.. I was known as Theresa back then… don’t laugh!

I was overwhelmed by what God had just shown me. First, He said, He remembers… and now, He said, He has always been with me and will always be with me. That night, tears just streamed down my face as I continue to thank God for He has not forsaken me. I’ve been on high the past few days and nights, I spent time studying the scriptures and reviewing what I’ve missed!

I hope and pray that, I will continue to walk in God’s graces and leave all my worries and transgressions to God. How liberating!


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