Birthday Wishes

Today marked my 37th birthday. Fuah! So old! Can feel it in my bones, the aging. I have a sudden back pain the past few days. Maybe because I was taking out the curtains and washing them before CNY. Ah… all the complications that come with age. Not too happy about it.

On the bright side.. if there’s one, well, am just going to list my birthday wishes, so that the divine in the universe would help me achieve it.

1. Hope Ern Ern grows up to be good and kind.
2. Pray that everybody who is suffering from any forms of diseases be healed completely!
3. Safety and pleasantness whenever and wherever my family and friends go.
4. Meeting more wonderful people along this life.
5. Ability to solve any problems effectively and with calmness.
6. Love renews for every couple I know! May your love continues to grow each day, everyday.
7. Good health for everybody!
8. When going gets tough, there will always be a helping hand nearby within reach.
9. Old and new friendships continue to forge on.
10. More love and care for stray animals.

I guess the 10 wishes above would be in my prayers regularly from today onwards.

Wishing you people, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Note: It was a wet Thursday.. sunny in the morning, with sudden gloom in the afternoon and heavy rains towards the evening. Just my kind of perfect weather.

What I Learn Today

1. When you have nothing good to say, better keep quiet. Nobody would suspect you are mute.

2. Don’t try to justify the action of others. They maybe doing things that don’t make any sense to you but then, you are not them. So you don’t have to understand.

3. Sometimes when you are mad at somebody, it’s not good to vent your anger on others. You are only angry with that particular person, that don’t give you the right to treat others bad, thinking it would appease your anger. It won’t. It will make you more enemies.

4. When people think your time is less important than theirs, then, better not waste anymore time for them.

5. Good friends should make time for good friends, no matter how busy their schedule is. If they don’t, then they are not your good friends.

6. When you do a thing, do it sincerely and wholeheartedly. If you don’t feel like doing it with a happy heart, then don’t! Stop bitching!

7. When something goes wrong, do not try to find fault with others to pin the blame on. Sometimes, things just go wrong unexpectedly.

8. Try to take advice or criticism constructively.

9. If you are having a bad day, just go take a nice shower, lie down on your bed and close your eyes.

Tragic Deaths

Not even a week after year 2013, I’ve heard of tragic deaths of friends’ relatives or close relations. It is indeed very sad. My sister’s friend’s dad was an active person. He enjoyed fishing very much and usually would go to the jungles in Rasah himself and go fishing alone. Sometime last year, he suddenly suffered breathlessness when going out marketing with his wife in the morning. Since the wife was with him, she slapped and rubbed his back hard enough, to help him aid his breathing. It helped. After much patting and rubbing on the back, he miraculously recovered.

Then, he went to the doctor’s to find out what went wrong with him but they couldn’t find anything. So, he went back home. He still enjoys fishing so he would still go to the woods all by himself despite family’s objection. So, the recent one, which was a few days back ended up in tragedy. Usually, he would go to the jungle around 3 pm and be home by midnight or latest by tomorrow afternoon. So the family didn’t suspect anything was amiss till a friend called up the family and told them that, they saw his car parking at the road side entering the jungle and it has been there since yesterday. It’s been more than 30 hours already that he went missing.

The family went to lodge a police report and all of them – friends and families conducting search as soon as possible where he last left his car. They went inside the jungle. It was the son who found his father. The father was seen hunching – in a standing position over something, nearby a bamboo bush. The moment the son saw the father, he shouted “Papa!” Then, blood suddenly oozed out from all pores of the blackened and bloated body.

They found out that, he was leaning against the parang he held as support, after he cut down a bamboo shoot. He probably suffered a heart attack and died on the spot.. in hunching position over the parang he used as support.

Sister and friend went to the uncle’s funeral and was shocked to see the bloated and blackened body. She was surprised that how come they don’t have a closed casket, given the deteriorating condition of the body.

I was thinking, it’s no joke to be chopping off bamboo in the jungle due to the stories on wandering spirits and what-not. I guess it’s just his time is up.

Another friend’s elder brother just passed away yesterday. Probably a heart attack. My heart goes all out to her, she just lost her mom in August last year and now, not even five months down the road, this shit happened. I pray that God would give her peace in her heart and strength to shoulder on.

These incidents shocked me tremendously and set me back. I guess if it’s time to go, there’s no stopping death. It’s best if we could just get our affairs straight and stop procrastinating, as we might not know what tomorrow brings. If you owe a person an apology, please go and say sorry today. If you plan to visit an orphanage and give freely, go now. If you always wanted to try that adventure, go now, don’t wait. If you want to visit the country for some time already, don’t let your laziness stop you.. go now! If you are appreciative of what a friend has done for you – go thank him or her now for their kindness! Live today as if you are going to die tomorrow, that will definitely ensure you live life fullest.

My Tuna Croissant

Before I went to bed last night, I thought of tuna croissant. A nice, fluffy buttered croissant with fresh tuna top with a generous blob of mayonaisse.. yumm… A clear sign that I might be recovering from my two weeks long cough!

I remember I always have this for lunch when I was in college. Every alternate days, I go to college, I would stop at this Meidi-ya shop near Jalan Tun HS Lee for lunch before going to class. Without fail, I always order the RM3.50 set. It comes with a set of tuna croissant, a small bite size of cake and a cup of cofffee. Good deal if you ask me. The tuna croissant is rather huge, so it’s good enough to satisfy my hunger pang till dinner. I was rather a small eater then. Haha.

It’s almost a ritual for me for a year and more. I would take the bus to KL, stopped by Meidi-ya shop for my tuna croissant, with tomato and lettuce, chocolate coffee cake and a cup of coffee. I ate alone at this cafe throughout the year. It wasn’t an issue for me. I would take out my notes to read before class, had a few slow bites, savoring every bite of the fluffy croissant and tuna. Sometimes I would look at people and see what they buy, and before their eyes caught my prying eyes, I looked down again on my notes, pretending I didn’t see them. Sometimes, I would be lost in thoughts, depending on how much time I have before class.

It was that short moment I had to myself, that I find utmost peaceful. I think I should do it again.

God’s Grace

I can’t believe I am writing this but I feel that I must.

A few weeks ago, I was down and about regarding my work in the office. I feel that, I’ve been taken for a ride. Not that my boss is not good to me, he’s indeed the best boss anyone could ever have.. but I feel that he doesn’t fight enough for me. Fight for my permanent status for my job, instead of being contracted. I was so angry and pissed that I let all hell broke loose in the office. Haha. Never ever scorn a woman… hell hath no fury….

Coupled with loneliness, I felt my emotions were at the bottom of the barrel. I couldn’t see the light. I was at the verge of depression when my normally positively attitude decided to step up and snap myself out of it. This is not the only job in the world, I was telling myself. I can go and get another job, if they don’t appreciate me! What’s wrong with me man? I guess it’s probably because I’ve felt somewhat complacent after working so many years here. Working so near my home somewhat made me into this really lazy bugger. Haha.

Anyway, I chose not to wallow in self pity or self induced depths of despair. So, I tried to get rid of this feeling of negativity, I decided to join a church service.

For months, my sister has been bringing Ern Ern to church rather regularly to join the Sunday School class. Ern Ern seems to enjoy the class. She could blend in perfectly, the teachers there do not question whether or not you are a member of the church in order to join the Sunday School. Every Sunday, she asked if I want to go to church with her but my laziness set in.

No… I rather sleep I said… and I thought to myself, NO! I don’t like going to church because people always tell you what’s wrong with you and the people surrounding you. I’ve been to churches which preached punishments and rewards. I was so uptight when I was in my teens because of church teachings. I was so adamant that as Christians should behave like this and that, in order to show good example to the world. I rebuke friends who claimed to be Christians but never go to church. I rebuke Christian friends who read up on horoscopes and believing in them! I rebuke this. I rebuke that. Somehow or another, I just got so tired of rebuking and decided to fuck it. I am DONE being a Christian. Christian means no fun. Christian means you will lose all your friends and family members. Christian means you have a license to be a pain in the ass!

I’ve been in and out of church (usually, I only go when I feel my spirit is in a turmoil.. I am selfish like that) throughout the years, since I was baptized by the holy spirit at age 16. I like going to Catholic churches because they are not “in your face”. Most evangelistic churches would come and greet you, welcome you in their family.. and after they know you are a Christian, they would go, “Ok, one down. Next!” Haha. I attended churches because I just want to listen to God’s words, that’s all. Then, as I mature, I feel that, actually, it’s all about your personal relationship with God. It has nothing to do with which denomination you should choose to be closer to God. And it also doesn’t mean that, the bigger your church is, the more guaranteed your place is in heaven, etc. It’s just between you and God.

I went to church on Sunday together with Ern Ern and I proceeded to listen to the sermon. The preacher preached about “God remembers”. I suddenly felt self conscious and felt that, the words were meant for me. Eventhough I’ve been out of touch with God the past 20 years, perhaps this is the time to go back. I felt the spirit ministered to my heart that I need to be in God’s grace once again. I never felt so moved that tears started to stream down my eyes as we sang songs of worship.

I got home and the next day, I saw a friend online. I haven’t spoken to her in ages because she was always too busy. So that day, I didn’t know what got into me, I took the first step to message her to ask her to be careful since Hurricane Sandy would hit NYC soon, where she’s residing. We spoke more and more and eventually, she just shared with me of her own convictions. She told me she’s no longer goes to church but she gets her daily devotion and listening to words of God from this Pastor named Pastor Joseph Prince. I remembered his name. I remember this friend quit her job back in 2004 to attend this church in Singapore on full time basis and I thought she went nuts (at the same time, she learned to salsa!). I refused to go to the church she mentioned because I think it’s too extreme lah. Seriously, at that point of time, I thought she went to a cult church! So I thought of it no more.

Until our conversation on Monday shook my belief. Actually, after church – I was still in doubts of going back to church, I told God to show me more signs. Yes.. self doubt is lack of faith… so… he sent me this friend whom I haven’t spoken to for some time to share with me via gtalk! She started to share how God has spoken to her via Pastor Prince’s sermons and how he managed to interpret the original meaning from Hebrew to today’s English. As I listened, I told her, actually, I asked a sign from God to show me the way and I said to her - “So, God sent you???” and she just laughed.

She told me to google up on Pastor Joseph Prince and I did. I saw on his New Creation Church’s website – Theme of the Year – “Year of Unceasing Fruitfulness”. I listened to his sermons online and was blessed by God’s words:-

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit. Jeremiah 17:7–8

As if these words are still insufficient, again, the kiasu me asked for another sign from God. Just to make sure lah.

So, I flipped the Bible, and somehow, I landed on Psalm 1:1-3

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

Then a small voice in my heart told me to look for a bookmark in the Bible (which I’ve neglected over 20 years!). I flipped the pages and found a bookmark written by a friend, 20 years ago during Christmas and it said….

Ya.. I was known as Theresa back then… don’t laugh!

I was overwhelmed by what God had just shown me. First, He said, He remembers… and now, He said, He has always been with me and will always be with me. That night, tears just streamed down my face as I continue to thank God for He has not forsaken me. I’ve been on high the past few days and nights, I spent time studying the scriptures and reviewing what I’ve missed!

I hope and pray that, I will continue to walk in God’s graces and leave all my worries and transgressions to God. How liberating!