Archive for the ‘Note to Self’ Category

Birthday Note

February 14, 2014

I was having a birthday dinner with some friends yesterday and I ordered a cup of flat white. I remember I could sleep easily even if I drink coffee before I go to sleep. I guess this is probably a definite sign of aging.. I couldn’t sleep a wink last night and was tossing around the bed. Decided to get up and play some games before trying to go back to sleep again.

Today is the re-occurrence of Valentine’s Day and Chap Goh Meh (Lunar calendar of love) coincide the same day. I was born 38 years ago on this special day where Lunar and Gregorian calendar celebrates love. I was told, this only happened once every 19 years! I still remember the day I was told of this, I was 19 and in college where I was having a time of my life. I remember I wore this light yellow shirt with a vest and jeans, acting all cool. Haha! And on that particular day my classmates celebrated my birthday and there was even a mysterious rose from a stranger. Haha. Those were the memories!

Ah well, being born on an auspicious day doesn’t make one’s destiny I guess. We still need to work hard, really hard. I don’t know when my break will come.. but I sure hope it would be soon.

I wrote in my birthday post last year that, the day was gloomy, dark and rainy. My perfect kind of weather. I guess this time, the sun decided to stay longer throughout the day. I could hardly peel my eyes open when I was driving home just now. The heat is unbearable. I hope and pray for rain to come soon as I could see the trees and grass along the roads are turning sadly yellow.

Well, here’s wishing you guys a very Happy Valentine’s Day and Chap Goh Meh! May love and happiness follow you wherever you go.

Fulfillment

July 8, 2013

I was looking at my long lost friends’ details in their Facebook. 16 years after we all went our separate ways after college. Most of my friends are now married with children. There are still a handful of us, who are the jolly singletons. Not sure whether it’s a real joy being single or not, afterall, we couldn’t see the “unhappiness” masked behind photos of holidays or doing something adventurous.

To be realistic, I guess most of us just prefer to share happy things instead of sad news. I think nobody in their right minds would write on their Facebook’s status – I just lost my job or I just broke up with the love of my life or I am so sad and lonely.

I was down with terrible sore throat, incessant coughs and flu for the long weekend that I had to take 2 days off on Thursday and Friday to sit home to nurse the heaving lungs. I really hate being sick. As I slept the weekend away, I’ve been bugged with terrible dreams. I couldn’t remember what the dreams are all about but they were sad, sad dreams.

I woke up, accessing my current state, looked at myself in the mirror and thought to myself. This is not the life I wanted. I don’t want to be confine in a normal office job with no challenges except having to have a positive attitude to deal with morons at work place. I don’t feel safe staying in the current house with no guards. I don’t feel any security in my job and even living in this country. Things tend to be overwhelming when you are sick and tired, I guess. Bad things simply blow out of proportions.

Then, a long lost friend buzzed me on Facebook to ask how am I and telling me that, she’s a mom of a 7 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. Believe me. I am truly happy for her! She’s this really sweet girl who always helped me with my Math when we were in A levels, which I am terrible in. Still am.

And she is still so skinny! And she didn’t even look like she’s 38, even after having two children. She is still this jolly self and not the usual soccer mom with life centered around her children. She travels a lot, has a successful business and a wonderful family.

That is indeed, I believe called a fulfillment. Something you have achieved in this lifetime that would give you good memories to live by till the end of your life.

Suddenly all these talking aroused the competitive monster in me which have been dormant for many years. I’ve come to a point where I think I am way too complacent. Nothing could be better than this.. of coz, there are still so many things could be better than the current state that I am now in. I wish I am living in another country right now. I wish I have a more fulfilling work to look forward to everyday. I wish I have a hobby or some work which would keep me occupied at odds ends so I don’t have to sit here, mopping around feeling sorry for myself.

I hope the physical sickness in me would go away soon.. and probably bring along the monster that kept stirring inside me now. Please go away, negative thoughts.Go away and don’t come back.

Birthday Wishes

February 14, 2013

Today marked my 37th birthday. Fuah! So old! Can feel it in my bones, the aging. I have a sudden back pain the past few days. Maybe because I was taking out the curtains and washing them before CNY. Ah… all the complications that come with age. Not too happy about it.

On the bright side.. if there’s one, well, am just going to list my birthday wishes, so that the divine in the universe would help me achieve it.

1. Hope Ern Ern grows up to be good and kind.
2. Pray that everybody who is suffering from any forms of diseases be healed completely!
3. Safety and pleasantness whenever and wherever my family and friends go.
4. Meeting more wonderful people along this life.
5. Ability to solve any problems effectively and with calmness.
6. Love renews for every couple I know! May your love continues to grow each day, everyday.
7. Good health for everybody!
8. When going gets tough, there will always be a helping hand nearby within reach.
9. Old and new friendships continue to forge on.
10. More love and care for stray animals.

I guess the 10 wishes above would be in my prayers regularly from today onwards.

Wishing you people, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Note: It was a wet Thursday.. sunny in the morning, with sudden gloom in the afternoon and heavy rains towards the evening. Just my kind of perfect weather.

What I Learn Today

February 3, 2013

1. When you have nothing good to say, better keep quiet. Nobody would suspect you are mute.

2. Don’t try to justify the action of others. They maybe doing things that don’t make any sense to you but then, you are not them. So you don’t have to understand.

3. Sometimes when you are mad at somebody, it’s not good to vent your anger on others. You are only angry with that particular person, that don’t give you the right to treat others bad, thinking it would appease your anger. It won’t. It will make you more enemies.

4. When people think your time is less important than theirs, then, better not waste anymore time for them.

5. Good friends should make time for good friends, no matter how busy their schedule is. If they don’t, then they are not your good friends.

6. When you do a thing, do it sincerely and wholeheartedly. If you don’t feel like doing it with a happy heart, then don’t! Stop bitching!

7. When something goes wrong, do not try to find fault with others to pin the blame on. Sometimes, things just go wrong unexpectedly.

8. Try to take advice or criticism constructively.

9. If you are having a bad day, just go take a nice shower, lie down on your bed and close your eyes.

Tragic Deaths

January 8, 2013

Not even a week after year 2013, I’ve heard of tragic deaths of friends’ relatives or close relations. It is indeed very sad. My sister’s friend’s dad was an active person. He enjoyed fishing very much and usually would go to the jungles in Rasah himself and go fishing alone. Sometime last year, he suddenly suffered breathlessness when going out marketing with his wife in the morning. Since the wife was with him, she slapped and rubbed his back hard enough, to help him aid his breathing. It helped. After much patting and rubbing on the back, he miraculously recovered.

Then, he went to the doctor’s to find out what went wrong with him but they couldn’t find anything. So, he went back home. He still enjoys fishing so he would still go to the woods all by himself despite family’s objection. So, the recent one, which was a few days back ended up in tragedy. Usually, he would go to the jungle around 3 pm and be home by midnight or latest by tomorrow afternoon. So the family didn’t suspect anything was amiss till a friend called up the family and told them that, they saw his car parking at the road side entering the jungle and it has been there since yesterday. It’s been more than 30 hours already that he went missing.

The family went to lodge a police report and all of them – friends and families conducting search as soon as possible where he last left his car. They went inside the jungle. It was the son who found his father. The father was seen hunching – in a standing position over something, nearby a bamboo bush. The moment the son saw the father, he shouted “Papa!” Then, blood suddenly oozed out from all pores of the blackened and bloated body.

They found out that, he was leaning against the parang he held as support, after he cut down a bamboo shoot. He probably suffered a heart attack and died on the spot.. in hunching position over the parang he used as support.

Sister and friend went to the uncle’s funeral and was shocked to see the bloated and blackened body. She was surprised that how come they don’t have a closed casket, given the deteriorating condition of the body.

I was thinking, it’s no joke to be chopping off bamboo in the jungle due to the stories on wandering spirits and what-not. I guess it’s just his time is up.

Another friend’s elder brother just passed away yesterday. Probably a heart attack. My heart goes all out to her, she just lost her mom in August last year and now, not even five months down the road, this shit happened. I pray that God would give her peace in her heart and strength to shoulder on.

These incidents shocked me tremendously and set me back. I guess if it’s time to go, there’s no stopping death. It’s best if we could just get our affairs straight and stop procrastinating, as we might not know what tomorrow brings. If you owe a person an apology, please go and say sorry today. If you plan to visit an orphanage and give freely, go now. If you always wanted to try that adventure, go now, don’t wait. If you want to visit the country for some time already, don’t let your laziness stop you.. go now! If you are appreciative of what a friend has done for you – go thank him or her now for their kindness! Live today as if you are going to die tomorrow, that will definitely ensure you live life fullest.


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