Archive for the ‘Office Affairs’ Category

Good Manners

November 29, 2013

Recently, my office had a short trip to Hat Yai. So, the 39 of us went to spend a few days together to shop, eat and be merry. Well, I doubt the last part, be merry as some people are really assholes. Well, we can choose our friends but we definitely can’t choose our colleagues!

As all of us were traveling together on a bus, it’s kinda inevitable that we had to help each other out. When we reached the hotel, we were all waiting for our luggage to be brought down from the bus luggage compartment. Guess what? All the dungus standing near the bus and didn’t even lift a finger to help with the luggage. I know you are waiting for your OWN luggage but I think it won’t hurt if you help the poor luggage handling guy to move luggage out of his way, so he could get more luggage down from the bus! It’s really ridiculous to even have to TELL them to move their butts. It’s amazing that our office need to send us to “team building” seminars and none of them even bloody learn from them! I probably would need to suggest to the management to stop all these nonsense trainings and save money because no one ever benefit from these!

After the trip – it was quite enjoyable sans the idiotic assholes who think too highly of themselves. Trying not to think about them. Then, it was time to share photos taken during the trip. As usual, I would do my duty to share photos with the rest. I sent out an e-mail to everyone to inform them that I have shared photos (of them also!) in our server. So, when they are free they could have a look. I waited and waited… three days.. then a week later, not even a word of thank yous from any of these assholes. Hahahhah. They probably think it’s their birth right to get all the photos from me without even saying thank yous.

I think good manners indeed have flown out the window. I guess not only the “team building” conferences don’t work….. even their parents don’t teach them manners. I am quite alarmed that some of them ARE parents themselves. Sigh.. good luck, world!

Ms Microwave

November 22, 2013

There’s a colleague in office who loves the microwave. When she first used the microwave, it’s like a caveman found fire. Seriously.

It all started since she got into a major argument with the “tai chow” shop in front of our office. Apparently, she told us that, the wife of the tai chow chef scolded her for trying to steal a fried egg from them without paying. She said, the wife charged her less then later realized that, she forgot to charge her for the egg, hence she accused her. I have a feeling that, she might bury the fried egg in her pile of rice… seen that happening to some of the cheapskates in office! What to do? With the current escalating living costs, I think everyone would do whatever it takes to save the few ringgit or sen. LOL.

Since then, she refused to go to the shop to buy food. So, now, she would bring leftover rice from home the night before and food or worse, eat instant noodles three times a week. The interesting part is how she microwave her food. She would set high and nuke her food for 10 minutes. Yes, you read it right. 10 freaking minutes! I think her cooked fish would have morphed into fossil good enough to be converted into petrol for her car.

Then, the way she cooks her instant noodles.. fantastic! She would boil water – the water in the kettle which already been boiled but she will reboil the water without putting fresh water in it.. then, pour the boiling water into her bowl of noodles.. then, put into the microwave and nuke it again for 5 minutes on high. Whatever shit bacteria also gone.. probably sterilized till the extend, when the food enters her body, probably her entire body is sterilized too.

So, some of us who use the pantry for lunch now have to move to other places to steer clear from her. I read somewhere microwave is actually rather safe but who would want to take such risks of mild radiation? You heard of this “Sikit-sikit, lama lama jadi bukit?” This case would be “Sikit-sikit, lama lama jadi sakit.” Not only that, when she set her fried fish to be nuked in microwave for 10 minutes on high, we could hear oil splattering loudly in the microwave and we were so sure that the microwave might explode!

Then, she complained of her aching knees which couldn’t seem to recover. Another colleague pointed the obvious that it is highly likely due to her instant noodles regime thrice a week. This pisses her off. Don’t even get me started about the way how she use the nuclear device in the pantry!

Someone please shove a manual up her ass!

Can You See Clearly?

October 8, 2013

My colleague called me asking for help. Apparently her boss scolded her because he couldn’t read the sms she sent him and complaining that the fonts were too small. So she asked me if I could help.

So I asked her to go to setting in the phone, then go to font setting – and set it to HUGE. So in future, all shit sms or whatsapp or text or what-not would be HUGE ass.

30 seconds later, I received an sms from her saying, “Haha. So how now? Can you see clearly?”

Adoi…. mangkok ayun..

I called her to tell her – she should set the font in her boss’ phone.. and not her own phone .. wah lao eh... Can die laughing. *Tears*

Rude Telemarketeers

July 24, 2013

Sometimes it’s amazing how a bad reputation company can last this long!

There is a well known “event management” company which keeps offering rather attractive courses and seminars. However, upon background checks on Google, we found out that this company has a rather notorious reputation. Some courses do not have the trainers as promised, some times cancelling courses last minute without refund, some even fake the name of the company because the real name of the company has been tarnished beyond help.

Recently, again, they started making cold calls to invite people to participate in their “project”. There was one invitation to visit some places of work related to our industry. This person has been calling the past two weeks and I didn’t manage to put him through simply because my boss is not in. How to detect the person is from this F*CKUP company? The person will keep INSISTING to speak to your boss DIRECTLY on URGENT matters. This is their “trademark”. Pushy, rude and arrogant piece of shit (PRAPOS).

PRAPOS: Hello. I am Sam from XYZ (not the real company’s name!). Can I speak to Mr So-and-So?

Me: I am sorry but he’s not in. Would you like to leave a message?

PRAPOS: I have to talk to him. This is URGENT!

Me: But he’s not in. What is it that is so urgent? (Annoyed and pissed)

PRAPOS: I need to speak to him PERSONALLY on URGENT project matters.

Me: *Roll eyes* He is NOT IN! (which part of English don’t you understand??)

PRAPOS: Can you give me his mobile number? So I can call him directly.

Me: I am sorry but I couldn’t give you his mobile number.

PRAPOS: WHY NOT?

Me: Why don’t you drop him an e-mail to tell us what do you want?

PRAPOS: No. I need to speak to him PERSONALLY. Give me his handphone number.

Me: NO.

PRAPOS: What time he will be in office?

Me: After lunch, about 2 pm.

PRAPOS: BUT I HAVE A MEETING AT 2 pm!!

Me: ……. (does it look like my fucking problem?)

PRAPOS: OK. I will call back then. *Click*

At 4 pm

PRAPOS: Mr So-and-So?

Me: He has left office.

PRAPOS: BUT YOU SAID HE WILL BE IN???

Me: Yes. At 2 pm. But he left.

PRAPOS: GIVE ME HIS MOBILE NUMBER! I MUST SPEAK TO HIM!

Me: NO.

PRAPOS: HOW to get hold of him then?

Me: I told you to drop him an e-mail but you refused.

PRAPOS: I HAVE TO SPEAK TO HIM FIRST before I E-MAIL HIM.

Me: It’s up to you.

*HANG UP*

This shit went on and on for almost 2 weeks, I received phone calls from the SAME person but with variety of names and even company names had been changed during the NUMEROUS phone calls. He must have taken me as an idiot who cannot recognize his voice.

Until yesterday, I managed to pass him through to my boss since he dropped a BIG name – our business partner. I told my boss – This guy is very INSISTENT to speak to you. He said business partner ask him to call us.

I overheard my boss being annoyed by the person. “YES YES. you drop me and e-mail first… NO NO… no, you write to me, then will let management decide. Yes… please write to……. yes… NO NO. Write first. THEN YOU WAIT. Please liaise with my secretary after you e-mail… Thanks.”

I could see he’s visibly annoyed.

Just now, Sam aka Shah aka Seth aka Samuel aka Samson from XYZ aka ABC aka GFA aka STFU aka OMFG company called again.

PRAPOS: I managed to speak to your boss yesterday and he told me to liaise with you. So I am checking if his e-mail address is so-and-so.

Me: Yes.

PRAPOS: Ok. Before I e-mail, can I get his direct line/mobile number?

Me: You can call this number you are calling now.

PRAPOS: Give me his mobile number so I can check with him if he received my e-mail.

Me: (@#$%^&* how fucking stupid one can get?) You haven’t heard of something called return receipt? You can request for a return receipt when you sent an e-mail.

PRAPOS: NO, I DON’T.

Me: He is contactable via his e-mail. He CAN SEE your e-mail.

PRAPOS: Ok. I will call back later to check.

10 minutes later

PRAPOS: Did he receive my e-mail?

Me: (Is this a matter between LIFE and DEATH??? PLEASE HELP ME GOD!) Yes, he has received (I didn’t know actually but just want to brush him off).

PRAPOS: YOU CONFIRMED???

Me: YES, I CONFIRM (I will check later).
PRAPOS: OK.

I went to check with boss if he received the “love” e-mail.

Boss: Yes. These people are too much! Names dropping! Go and tell me this is organized by Government agency. Halo? If it’s done by gomen ah, the gomen ppl will come find me lah. Why must go through him! Too much!

Me: Ok. So, I will tell him we are not interested.

Boss: Why do you even pass me the call yesterday? He’s so annoying!

Me: I’ve been stalling him over 2 weeks already boss. But since he’s so insistent, I just let him speak to you and also he drop names of our JV partner? What if it’s true?

Awhile later.. PRAPOS called again.

I gave him his own dose of poison pill.

PRAPOS: Is Mr So-and-so in?

Me: I am sorry but no (but he’s in. LOL).

PRAPOS: BUT YOU TOLD ME HE WOULD BE IN? (I probably heard this same shit for over 50x now the past two weeks)

Me: I have spoken to him concerning whatever e-mail you sent him earlier. WE ARE NOT INTERESTED.

PRAPOS: May I know why?

Me: Well, because you are a piece of shit, that’s why. You don’t even remember where you are working! Heck! You don’t even remember your own name! And you expect us to take your service. F*CK YOU!

Of course I didn’t say that. I wish I could.

Me: Oh. We will liaise directly with the government agency you mentioned. Thank you.

*Click*

Joke of the Day

May 17, 2013

I was pretty happy when my office is FINALLY going paperless for meetings. However, today, I received an e-mail on the deadline for all reports to be submitted. It said:-

Please submit to us the reports and other relevant papers (black & white – double-sided with page numbering) in PDF Format on or before [date].

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

Have a good weekend!


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