Are You Really Living?

A friend once wrote to me- “Yeah, I wonder why people can live for 30 years alone then when they known someone they become cannot live without the other half? I was like, so how do you live before you two met then? Maybe that wasn’t call living. LOL!”

I agree with him whole heartedly.

When I was young and not to mention foolish, I succumbed myself to this “herd mentality” that I need someone to complete my life. All my friends wanted to find their significant others before end of the college days. They argued, by the time you come out to work, you will have no time to look for your other half. So you better start finding now when you still have a choice! So, they prim and prop themselves up, be a clown, do things that they never thought of doing – mostly unpleasant, etc to get into the mating ritual to find their other halves. Of course, I wasn’t that lucky (maybe), due to my fantastic physical attributes and as if God is playing a prank on me, I took a course whereby 99% of my classmates are females. Maybe God is telling me to be a lesbian.

I am glad I managed to wiggle myself out from this mentality before it causes me more unnecessary heart aches and pains. To end life sufferings, end desires.

Seriously, when we are too engrossed looking for the significant other, many of us fail to live. Some of us even think that, life doesn’t matter anymore when we could not find someone to share it with us. We should just wither and die. Some were so obsessed that they used desperate measures – getting love at other people’s expense – having an affair with people’s husbands or wives, delusional that what they have is called love.

Life is equally good even whether or not you have a special person to share it with. There is so much in this life than to have it revolves around somebody. I guess if I want anything to revolve around somebody, that somebody better be me, myself and I! I know it’s a selfish thought but, in order to make other people feel happy, we first have to be happy ourselves before pouring happiness unto others.

I am not saying you must not look for your significant other. Afterall, nobody wants to die alone in some cheap, small flat in KL. (LOL! Watch Talentime by Yasmin Ahmad!) Look! Please look! But please do not forget to live! For those who have found your better halves, please treat him or her nicely and with utmost respect. You can’t have something as good as a love relationship without putting a lot of effort into it. It’s a wonderful thing but it’s not going to keep going by itself just because it’s wonderful. That person is not forever just because you found that special person. And remember not to neglect the people around you who have played many roles in enriching your life experiences.

Remember to live for yourself first. When you are actually living for yourself one day at a time, you will grow to love yourself more. When you have more love in you, other loves would eventually find you in the end.

Burger or Steak?

I like having short conversations with my sis during our daily commute to office and back home. Sometimes, she could say the darnest things.

We had a short conversation on boyfriends – both serious and merely friends. She finds, less educated men are easier to please and they are more spontaneous and highly likely to be more “cin cai”.

“Look at Mechanic and his friends. They just decide everything on the spot on what they want to do. One person say go Genting, then one guy would just offer to drive up and off we went. Go karaoke. Fine. Call the karaoke joint to book and we went singing, didn’t ask about the cost. Only mumble – Wah.. kam kiu kuai keh? (Cantonese: So damn expensive!) when paying and that’s about it. No more bickering endlessly after that,” she said.

“Hmm… true also..” I agreed.

“You see my uni mates. One fella – this cannot that cannot. Everything must follow his choice!” she said.

“Your friend Kok Weng is nice. And he’s also your uni mate.” I said.

“Yeah.. that one is an exception lah.. he’s exceptionally nice. Mom likes him very much you know…” She said.

I wonder what she meant by that, “Mom likes him very much YOU know”. LOL!

She quickly added, “No need to look far lah. Look at your guy friends. Don’t eat this lah… don’t fancy that lah.. afraid of heights lah, the room smells funny, etc. My gawd. Get a grip!”

LOL!

Yesterday night, as I went bar hopping with Takeshi, the same thing happened. Since he’s a highly educated archipet* with exquisite taste, he too has problems making very small decisions.

Takeshi: What should I eat yeah? Burger or steak?

Me: Your stomach mah. Why you ask me?? And you are paying what, not I pay!

Takeshi: Shit la you. Do you have a coin?

Me: Ah???? Sai mm sai ah??

Takeshi: Faster gimme a coin. Head or tail? Which one is tail ah?

Me: The number is tail lah.

Takeshi: Is it? Not the other way round meh?

Me: …..

Takeshi: Okay.. the number is steak.

*flip coin*

Me: So it’s burger..

Takeshi: Yes ah burger ah? Hmmph.. let me think again.

Me: Jesus! By the time you decide, the kitchen’s gonna close!!

Takeshi: Shit!!! Order! Wei.. order!!

True enough. The kitchen is closed. LOL. Tai sei.

I shared the conversation I had with my sis with another friend online.

He asked, “Will you be happy with someone who earn less than you? And less educated than you? Some will be ok. Some I don’t think so in the long run. Maybe what you mentioned to me… is so profound, try finding someone who you have to change the least….”

I replied, “Yes. My sis is the good example already. I find as long as the person treats you good, that is the most important. Treat you good and with utmost respect and respect your family. Money can’t buy respect. What’s the point having phd? Or degree and live in bungalow, has tonnes of money, yet the attitude is like shit?”

To which he added, “So not the 5 Bs or the 5 Cs or the 5 Ms? Sometimes, I really feel tired about life. Too many tasks, expectations……..”

See.. educated people… SIGH!

What say you?

*Architect. But for Takeshi, he’s an archipet.

Lock, Stock & Barrel

I remember a friend used to tell me that she always takes all her friends as lock, stock and barrel. For better or worse, she said, her friends will always be her friends. It befuddled me because I find the company she was with is full of flaws.

For instant, one of the friends she always hang out with, always owe her money. Even when her own financial is tight as she is a single mother with two children, she would willingly fork out money every time whenever they go out and sometimes, she doesn’t even remember that this person pays her back. As usual, this friend would “conveniently” forget his wallet at every occasion whenever we go out.

Sometimes, I see her doing a lot of things without getting any appreciation. She would meticulously plan a birthday party for a person – doing everything including sorting out invitations and marinating the chicken for BBQ to cleaning up after the party. Yet, the friend she threw party for did not even acknowledge her effort. The moment this friend found new love, she would take the back seat as if she never existed at the first place.

Then another friend from Penang who is a big creep. Every time he came to visit, they would go out for supper, he won’t even offer to pay at least ONCE when she brought along her children for a glass of teh tarik and some roti canai. Talk about being such a cheapskate! It’s not fine dining! And this creep expects her to fetch him from the bus stop to the hotel whenever he comes to KL to visit her.

I was pissed whenever she relay such incidences to me. I find that she was being used. She would laugh; seeing me in utter wrath and said, “Never mind. They are still my friends. Remember.. I take my friends as lock, stock and barrel.”

I told her as a matter of fact, she doesn’t need these friends. It would be best to remain alone than to have friends to live off you or taking you for granted. Of course, not all her friends are bad. I just hope that she would be more selective in befriending people and not to let people walk over her just because she is just too nice!

I attended a friend’s wedding recently. It was weird that he has not many friends despite his funny and friendly demeanor. So I was lucky to be one of his very few friends. His best friend – some guy I dreaded to meet simply because he talks too loud and sometimes, could be embarrassing to be seen with him in public, came to the wedding as the emcee as well as the best man.

They knew each other for over 20 years and despite both of them not being perfect (they bitched to me about each other), they still remain tight as brothers till today. It was touching to see a best friend giving speech about you in the wedding, such once in a lifetime occasion and be part of the memory that would last forever.

Then I came to reassess the friends that I am mingling with now. Some are very insensitive and say most hurtful things (I know I am one too!), some may try to piss me off for no apparent reason, some simply are too gullible and subject themselves to mercy of other friends, some are overly blinded by love to even think that their friends still exist, some are manic depressive, some taking me for granted, some trying to please me all the time (this type I like! Haha!), etc.

As I am listing down the “flaws” of my hapless friends, I came to realize that, I myself am not a perfect friend; so why would I impose such perfections on my friends? I don’t even try to “shorten” the amount of time of me bearing grudges. EVERYBODY knows that I bear grudges for the longest time, probably for life!

I could still remember once a housemate and I quarreled over some matters. I avoided bumping into her for a few days because I was pissed mad. After a few days of silence, I came home from college and saw her coming out from the kitchen. Our eyes met and suddenly, she just shoved a banana to my face and said, “Lei Oi Yak Jiu Mou?” (Cantonese: Do you want to eat banana?)

I struggled hard to remain stone cold, trying not to respond to her amusing break-the-ice remark. But that day, I was glad that I checked my ego outside before I came into the house and Boy! We laughed! Then, we made a promise not to get upset over small, petty problems anymore and vowed to be best friends forever.

I firmly believe one need not many friends in this life. It would be adequate to have just a handful of good quality friends that could see you through the ups and downs in life.

That is why from now onwards, I will try my best to eat the humble pie before I pass judgment on someone else.

I surely hope when friendships turn sour because of one’s hurtful words or actions, I would be the one to take initiative to apologize, regardless if I am right or wrong to make things right. Despite my shortcomings, I certainly hope my friends would be kind enough to take me as lock, stock and barrel.

PS. But don’t expect the “eat banana” phrase could be used under ALL circumstances. It depends on how much affection I have for you. LOL!