Mind Your English

It’s disheartening to see the standards of our English today. Since most of us were schooled in Malay/Chinese medium for at least 11 years, it is no surprise that one would struggle with command of English language as soon as one starts working.

I am not implying that I am such a genius… Heck! I struggled a hell lot when I was in A Levels – Copper, Tembaga, Photosynthesis, Fotosintesis, Cell, Sel, Dehydration, Penghidratan, Joystick, Batang ria… ok ok.. the last one is a joke. The thing is, you have to learn and keep practising to improve.

Here I share with you some of the blatant mistakes made by some colleagues. Can you decipher what the hell they are trying to say?

Disclaimer: I am not calling them morons because of their bad English. They are just…. unlikable.

From: Moron No. 1

Dear All

The Restaurant name call Royal China Restaurant-same rolls with Palm Beach or last time call Happy Valley. Shell we wait at L23 lift lobby at 6.05pm?

Rolls? I prefer California rolls worr. Yes, we shell some oysters while we are there.

(For the benefit of those who didn’t follow this blog earlier, I wear uniform to work.. so there are more than one uniform stories)

From: Super Moron

To HR head.

First and foremost I would like to apologize to interrupt your time. (Very good manners – considering she behaves like a barbarian most of the time)

But, I just like to inform you that my current yellow uniform only left one.

One of the yellow uniforms is out of stitches and waiting for tailor to alter.

Another one now is already very too “sempit”, no more comfortable at all.

To stand until 5.30pm is too hard for me.

IF can, I only want to wear the uniform for monthly assembly or once a week, Monday.

I hope to hear your kindness consideration…

Once again I am sorry to take your value time on this matter.

Thank you.

Check out how she underlined the words to stress importance. A bi-lingual dictionary would be a great gift for her birthday (if she knows how to use one, that is).

From: The Ultimate Super Moron

Dear Ms T,

Accordingly to your document that you pass to me yesterday

Pity you because you don’t know how to check the office work, and I help you to check it out.

Not say I cannot retype that simple letter, UNFORTUNATELY, the reference of the letter is came out from the site office.

AND that letters related with the contract dept which is involved with the payment.

So, I will return these two letter for your kind further action

Regards and thank you.


From: The Ultimate Super moron

Hi! Dear to my colleagues,

I have found many times, and I would like to highlight that we are not kindergarten anymore

SO, please flush by your own the toilet after used.

It’s quite good already since she did take into consideration using past tense.

There are more to come, hopefully to keep us entertained.

P.S. Mei, do you want me to propose your service to conduct Basic English classes in my office?

Other equally horrifying England post, click here.

14 thoughts on “Mind Your English

  1. Nice topic. It is really hilarious how much English can be mutilated. Well, Malaysians are not the only guilty ones.

    I was having dinner in Dongguan, China two days ago and the waiter came over with two jugs of soft-drinks and asked in perfect English, “Excuse me sir! Would you like to have Sprite or Ke Lek”. My Kwai Loh friend was absolutely puzzled and thought “Ke Lek” was some local chinese concoction.

  2. I have to concur with FireHorse.

    What we speak in our daily lives is going to be what we write, too.
    I am chinese educated also leh…
    you cannot say we are moron also mar, cause we simply have too many alot of language and alphabet to hafal, on top of the time table. then some more have to learn malay and engrish, very cham one okay, please understand our pain.

    tenkiu you!

  3. Here is a message I got from a Friendster stalker:

    Have a nice week ahead may god bless u and every 1 u know .
    Pls excel whatever u do in your home or market place be te head but not the tail.
    Log into http://www.chc.org.sg
    Chris Tan

    Not only does he write excellent English, he can also type beautifully…NOT!

  4. asme: HAhahah! Keh Leh! Coke! Hahahahha. I got you. I guess being a Malaysian have its advantages. We seem to understand every bad English. Hahahahah!

    laymank: I didn’t sidelined Chinese Educated people mah. You are Chinese ed, yet your English … wah.. pang pang seng. Better than most English ed people I know!

    So, we are supposed to be proud with our Manglish lah? Haha!

    In fact, I find a lot of English made grammar mistakes in their own language and some Americans can’t even spell properly. Serious!

    Lil Ms Pinky: I almost marked your comment as SPAM till I saw the last sentence! Hahaha! Cute lil pink blog you have there!

  5. HAHAH, the first and last one damn kau lat…

    There are few colleagues in my office also struggling with their verbal and written ingris… well at least they are taking the initiative to improve and realised how bad their ingris can be… sad to say one of them are from the top mgmt. I think I also need to improve my england.. yikes…

  6. No matter how many freaking time I read whatever she wrote to us… it can never fail to make me cringe and then laugh my head off. I tried, most of the time to be kind and understanding towards her… but thing is, she just somehow manages to push all the wrong buttons correctly. %$#@ her! Oops, sorry… pardon my language. Tee hee hee. I feel so evil already. Just can’t bloody help it when it comes to her. Sigh…

  7. KY, remember those days we were in TBR? I always use the phrase : very the pretty, very the cute, very the stupid, very the…..
    btw, thanks for enlightening me in my english learning process…

  8. SH: Haha! Yeah. It would be a life long contract!

    WY: I still cannot accept bad office English.

    shae: Needless to say anything.🙂

    Kleio: Yeah lah. I am now waiting eagerly for her next e-mail. Hahha.

    YY: Yeah! And peparu kayu! Fai Chai! Hahhahaha!!!

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