Determining Self Worth

I have been listening and giving some advices to friends for as long as I could remember. The dawn of 2008 marks a lot of changes. Most friends are at a major crossroad of their lives.

Some are planning to change to better jobs, some got “elevated” to the next level in life by getting married or became moms and dads (congratulations!), etc. Not all are good news though. Some friends are losing their jobs due to worldwide retrenchment. Some friends are finalizing their divorces from their abusive spouses. Some underwent plastic surgery even when he or she is already too beautiful. Some friends are still depressed for so many years.

Recently, a friend asked if his relationship is considered a relationship. After all, they are only having dinner once a week and they don’t go out much to see each other.

For me, a relationship is not about how many times you meet or see the person in a week. I have a friend who is in a long distance relationship for 7 years. She was doing pharmacy in Perth while her boyfriend was doing phd in Wales, UK. They only met once a year during their 7-year courtship – during Chinese New Year. Then, they went on to marry each other at the end of the seventh year and now, happily residing in Sydney with a lovely baby daughter.

I feel a relationship is when both of you are working together for a future. It’s about wanting the same thing, well almost. Wanting to spend time with each other; no matter how limited the time is. It’s about you seeing him in your future, and yourself in his. We wish everything would last forever, but this is a cruel reality that nothing last forever. So, enjoy each other’s company while it last.

Some friends are still depressed because they are being ill-treated in office. Sometimes, I am so sick and tired of listening to their grumbles that I wish I could turn the volume down when they start complaining incessantly like broken radio.

I always tell them to divert attention from their already damaged self esteem. One has to remember that jobs are only there to assist you to pay your bills and sustain your needs. Once you are off work, you should switch it all off and put on a party mode. After all, our lives are not about work alone! There are more things in life than to worry unnecessary over a job. If you don’t like the job, quit and move to a new one. As simple as that. Be prepared to perhaps take lower pay for the transition, so long you are happy.

A friend commented why am I working in this lowly menial job (answer phone calls, dealing with moronic travel agents, full time photocopy girl, making tea, gossip monger etc) when I have the necessary qualification to strive it big? I look at the company secretary in my office and other friends who are in this line working till wee hours in the morning, sometimes bringing work home to finish during the weekend, as opposed to me, probably sleeping the weekend away or going on an impromptu trips that would color my otherwise colorless life… I guess I would not trade my lowly menial job to anything. Maybe for the time being, I am just feeling lazy to take on additional responsibilities. Ah.. I admit. I am just lazy. Haha!

For friends who are depressed, I can only say one thing. Depression is merely a state of mind. I used to be very angry and depressed at the world when I was in my rebellious teens till my early young adult years. I always thought the world is always against me. Then I think I came across a statement saying, whether you are happy or sad, the world still goes round. Who gives a shit about you wallowing in self pity?? Well, the statement is not exactly like that, but the gist is there. Whether you are happy or sad, the world still goes round. So, why bother to be sad when you can be happy, right?

It’s all up to you whether how you want to make this life work for you. You may not be the most beautiful, the most handsome, the richest, the most talented, the most popular, etc but you have something called self worth.

It is you yourself who determine your own self worth and make the most of everything that you have. There is no point fretting over what you should have, or you should have done. Living in regrets or wallowing in self pity is not the answer and it would only drown you into greater despair. Look forward to other areas in life where you can improve and make every detail, no matter how minute, to work for you and try to be a better person. To the hell with what other people think.

8 thoughts on “Determining Self Worth

  1. Wow….!!! very cheem.. Aunt Agony.. ;)
    But you are right..! i wished i had a friend like you some 20 yrs ago.. to bitch slap me.. around.. so i wouldn’t have wasted so much time.

  2. Reflective post. Thanks. Yes having self worth really forms the essence of a happy & meaningful existence. I too have similar struggles to maintain self worth as I often live life away from norm & society is a critical & unforgiving lot….. so ‘Aye Aye’ when you say ‘to hell with what other people think’.

  3. yea, I, too wasted too much damn time wallowing in depressions.
    but now I am breaking through… hmm… when was the last time? can’t remember…


  4. spoken like a true agony aunt who hits the nail on the head!

    coincidentally a friend and i were just discussing ‘seizing the day’ and living life to the fullest. he told me that if you really want something or have an interest in something and it is within your means, then you should just go do it! because once the moment has passed, the feeling is not the same anymore. By the time you have time/money/space to live your dream, you may find that you may have actually outgrown it. That would be the saddest part.

    so everybody – carpe diem! :)

  5. a lot of contradictions….

    more often than not it’s not as simple as u see. It’s really about responsibility and commitments.

    just a simple question, do u actually think anyone would wish to bring work home over weekends or after hours?

  6. Nice piece and good timing.

    Just came back from visiting someone who’s wallowing in self pity.
    It’s so draining. I’ll have to stuff my face with lots of food and take long naps to recuperate. Lucky me tomorrow is a holiday.

    Happy thaipusam :)

  7. Mama BoK: You ended up ok what.. I believe. Haha!

    If we don’t start loving ourselves, how are we going to love others or let others love us?

    Yeah.. have to learn to snap out of it. It’s not doing you or any of your friends good.

    lingzie: That is my favorite latin phrase too! Carpe diem!

    It’s all about making choices. Some people are workaholics. If they enjoy taking work home, it’s up to them. If you don’t like, simply don’t do it. There is no such thing as don’t have a choice. You have a choice. You just need to prioritize. I don’t bring work home. That doesn’t mean I am not committed or irresponsible. If I need to stay back in office to work till wee hours, I would do so. It’s my choice.

    : Yes… we can practically feel all the good vibes and chi draining out when a friend complained too much. I am gonna sleep the day away too! Ah, bliss!

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