Moving On

I was watching a repeat of “The Heartbreak Kid” on HBO on Friday night. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why men always don’t want to be the “bad” one in breaking up a relationship?”

In this movie, you have Ben Stiller trying to break up with his newlywed wife when he found out that he couldn’t get along with her (secondary reason) and of course, he met another terrific girl during his honey moon (main reason). He gave all kinds of reasons not to be with his wife – she should take the job in Rotterdam, he’s not a very nice guy to be with, there is nothing wrong with her, it’s all him, blah blah blah! And he couldn’t simply tell her – Sorry, but I just don’t love you anymore.

Then I thought of a friend who is getting married end of this year. He’s getting married not because he wants to. He’s getting married because his girlfriend is pregnant with his child.

He said he tried to get rid of the girlfriend in many ways but could not. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that it’s over. He is really a jerk and he even let her wait for him for 3 hours a few times for a date. He tried very hard to be as aloof and as irresponsible as possible in hope that, the girlfriend would think he’s a douche bag so she would leave him. The poor girl, even after being stood up for 3 hours, was not even angry at him and even tried to be nicer to him, and asked him what did she do wrong to upset him?

I told him, he must be damn lucky to have a girl who loves him that much and so blindly! He should treat her with utmost respect and love her in return!

Is it very hard for men/women to open your mouth to tell the person, “It’s over!”

I think it’s very cruel to drop hints, in order to “save face” or to minimize hurt by “direct” approach. I think as adults, it’s better to talk things over, to see if the issues affecting the relationship can be solved, giving it some time, etc. Seriously, if your guy or girl promised to do something for the better and if the promise was made some 10 years ago or so, believe me, they never will. It would always remain an empty promise.

If all these fail to save the relationship, then by all means proceed to splitville.

It’s better to get out than being stuck in a loveless relationship. It’s not good to let one hanging by the thread every day, creating false sense of hope for the relationship and being totally delusional. It’s more practical to let the person know that you don’t love him/her anymore and move on.

14 thoughts on “Moving On

  1. you hit the nail right on the head gina!
    i actually feel very sad for your friend’s gf. hopefully your friend will realize what a devoted gf he has and do her right. or hope that she will one day wake up and realize that she should treat herself better instead of being stuck in a loveless marriage.

    taking the first step to moving on is always very hard. but it gets easier after that.
    so here’s to moving on from negative things in our life!

  2. Lingzie: Yes, I felt sorry for her too. Hope things would be better. Yes, a toast back to you too – let’s get all negative things and people out of our lives!

  3. Sometimes I wonder if it’s built-in, our inability to communicate directly and tell the other party tactfully but without letting up/digressing exactly how we feel.

    Strange thing is, I read somewhere it’s cos men can be more emotional than women; they just don’t know how to deal with this (as well as women can, supposedly).

  4. omg, poor gf of ur friend he still keep sleeping with her (until she got pregnant) even though he wanna end the relationship? what a jerk!~~

    I seriously think he shld not marry her cos i can foresee he’ll just end up having extramarital affairs and they’ll be in a loveless marriage which is not good for the child too..sigh..shld not have ‘used’ her in the first place n now pregnant he shld not marry her make a second mistake..better to abort the baby if not too point bringing a new life into such a family environment lah..

  5. Kenny: Hmmm… I agree that women could always cry when there is a crisis and as for men, they suppress themselves from crying to show that they are macho. That doesn’t mean they cannot tell you that they don’t love you anymore. Sometimes, I think women have more balls to express themselves than men. Haha!

    hcpen: Well… he mentioned that he didn’t want to sleep with her. It was her request to sleep with him.. ADOI! *faint* I do hope that, as a friend, I could steer him to the right path and cause less harm to others and himself.

  6. omg, faint..he’s an asshole (sorry, he’s ur friend i know)..yeah yeah, he’s such a typical chauvinistic selfish man..just use the girl’s body and wanna dump her and still have ‘face’ to say she ‘requested’ he sleep with her?!! I suggest you steer him to dump the girlfriend before he causes anymore harm to her or you should dump him as your friend! better not keep losers like him as frens…sorri har..can’t stand men like him,just pisses me off..haha..

  7. hcpen: Hahahah!! I agree with you! He’s an asshole!!! But seriously, if the girl is smart enough, she should have gone by now… afterall, she is a pretty and quite independent girl.. except when it comes to love, she is hopeless.

    They have set the date and restaurant to get married, so I guess no turning back. Maybe he’s just saying all these is because he’s egoistic.

    I won’t shun him because of his decisions. He can do whatever he wants because that is his life. We can only advise. We can still be friends. It is not necessary to agree with a friend all the time. We can argue over a matter, whether or not we can solve it, at the end of the day, we are the ones living with our own decisions and we all move on.

    By the way, I have linked you up in my blog.😀

  8. I guess man just have the guts!.. my ex is the same too, he just shut me off and waited for me to call off the relationship. As much as it hurts then, I’m very glad it was good riddance..🙂

  9. hmmm… buddenah… in my case, that’s EXACTLY wat i’d do to get the guy to break up wit me… guess i got no guts…😛

    on ur fren… i agree wit hcpen on dis one…

    i don’t think they should go on wit the marriage… i know of someone who went ahead n got married cos the gf was preggers n now with 2 kids in tow he’s deciding to get a divorce bcos he’s interested in my close fren (who by the way is already seeing someone else n hv no intention of goin out wit him)… but to each their own, you can only bring a horse to the stream but u can’t force it to drink from the stream no?

  10. I’ve been through my fair share of breakups and I must say that some women want to play the “nice guy” as well😉 But I agree with you, it is better to get out than being stuck in a loveless relationship.

  11. I don’t understand arh, if you have no ‘feel’ for this girl anymore, can go fxxc her la!!!? and the best thing is made her pregnant? Silly jerk! This marriage won’t last long, then what will happen to the child? not healthy right? TNS!

  12. Wai Ling: Well, like you said, good riddance. We don’t need guys who are ball-less. LOL!

    asstha: Haha! So you are the chicken shit here? Or Ms Nice girl? Maybe you are young.. when you are at my age – it’s better to terus terang lah. Can’t afford to waste time. LOL! Maybe he’s also at the age to get married already.. so no more time to fool around. Let’s hope when the baby is out, he would be a dotting father. That’s my sincere prayer for him.

    : I think so too.. once a friend of mine is so indecisive of which guy she wanna be with, ended with nobody now by her side. Dai sei one. LOL!

    monster: Why so kek thong lah? LOL. I think the way he talks to me – maybe he’s just egoistic lah. Perhaps wanna show he’s wanted or something. I don’t know. You know I don’t play mind games.

    : Yes yes..

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