Interviews on Elm Street

I hate going for interviews. The butterflies in the stomach, the sleepless night the day before, need to do some grooming, wear high heels, etc. I am sure most of us have our own fair shares of interviews in our lifetime. Here, I am sharing with you the questions, some of them totally moronic, that I get in interviews.

Can you forge signatures?

This was the first time I went for interview in a small professional (actually, not professional at all if you read on) firm. The lady boss there asked me this question and I was in a state of shock. Apparently, the named secretary is not attached to the firm and he charges a few ringgit per signature. Little did this bugger know that, the lady boss is so much more cunning than he expected her to be. So, she asked me this question so that I could help her to save a few bucks whenever clients ask for a certified true copy.

Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 (worse!) years’ time?

I bloody damn hate this question. It’s not that I am being interviewed for a RM10k job. I am merely applying for a lowly paid executive job. I hadn’t even graduated from my professional exams yet that time. The best part is, they have three-panel interviewers asking me a RM10k job question.

In my line of work, this is a trick question actually. If you mention to them, you wish to be a company secretary in 5 years’ time – then, your hiring boss will think that you are such a big threat and decided not to hire you for being over “ambitious”. If you mention that you hope to see yourself continue working here, they might think maybe you are lying or probably a non-performing staff because you are not ambitious enough. So, macam mana? Either way, you still lose.

Why do you want to change job?

I really don’t understand the purpose of this question. People who come for interviews have various reasons to change their job. To look for better prospects, for better pay (they will think you are materialistic), can’t stand the current workload (they will think you are lazy), have outgrown the current company (they will think you are overly ambitious), the current boss is a fucking moron (this is normally the case of changing a job), oh, just for fuck’s sake lah etc. I am sure not many people could handle an honest answer like – the current boss is a fucking moron – so, please don’t ask this stupid question.

My way of answering this is – to ask another question – why did your staff leave this company? Normally, that made them scramble for an answer, eyes darting up and down, side ways and eventually, shuts them up.

Your friend is so skinny. Doesn’t she eat?

Actually, I was warned before even going for this interview. I was warned that this boss is super pintai and might give me hard time if I were to take up the offer. I didn’t know how pintai the boss was till I came for the interview. It didn’t help either when the HR personnel sitting in for the interview was equally a douche bag who should be fired.

Yeah. I got this question when I was interviewing for a job in the company my friend is working in. Mind you. This is MY interview. I don’t see the point of you asking me this question. I was very offended and said, can you please ask questions related to my job and not the physical attributes of my friend? Then, I know I would not get the job. I didn’t want it either. I just want to know my net worth. The two goons went on and on and on sticking their noses into my friend’s secret diet regime. I should have shot them the answer, “Oh, she’s on a diet plan called anorexia nervosa. You should try it yourself sometime, you nosy bitches!”

Do you know so-and-so?

In this line of work, the world is very small. We seemed to bump into each other, unfortunately, some of them are enemies. In an interview, I could smell trouble when the financial controller asked me if I know this person, that person. I was well aware that she must have found out something unfavorable about me from this or that person that she mentioned about me.

The thing is, if you already heard “bad remarks” about me, you might as well save your time as well as mine and reject my application at the first place. It’s really despicable to put me up on a stage and stone me. Worse, she was not listening to both side stories and already found me guilty. Well, it’s karma really. I heard that, the department is forever changing staff. Who would want to work for people who never give anyone chances and one track minded. For the record, I didn’t do anything bad. I admit I am a rebellious person but I am not a rebel without a cause. I always uphold what is right, give you things to think about, ways to improve methods of working, and give 100% at work.

So, what horror stories you have for me, from your interviews?

8 thoughts on “Interviews on Elm Street

  1. I can imagine your shock when the interviewer asked you if you can forge a signature. After all it’s your 1st company secretarial job interview. Luckily didn’t give you a bad impression of this line.

  2. Gee, it’s not a good thing when someone asks you if you forge signatures man…… when it comes down to the crunch.. YOU’re the one who’s gonna be put up for blame ….. tsk tsk tsk … so unprofessional!

    … hmmm… you’re on the prowl for a new job?

  3. Ann: I think right there and then, I was brought to the “real world” when the interviewer asked me that question. I saw a lot of bad practice while I was there for only 1.5 months. The bitchy boss doesn’t even know the difference between having an AGM and adjourned AGM. Forging signature is not the worst… you reminded me that, they had one case that the person signing the Statutory Declaration “in front of the Commissioner of Oath”… is dead. LOL!

    shorthorse: Well, for the record, I never forge signatures. The boss did it all by herself. Ah? Do you have any recommendations? Hehe.

  4. I’ve been asked the 2nd & 3rd questions. Not the rest. The rest sounds so weird though.

    I hate the “where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time” question as well. It’s like you’re giving the type of answers they like to hear.

    I normally rehearse for most questions ie. give them what they want to hear. I’ve changed job every 2 years, so have encountered many repeated questions.

  5. There was a point in time in my career when I was attending interviews almost every other week, so much so my answers became like a record. Just press play!

    The difficult part is trying to sound enthusiastic after being asked the 5 year question the umpteenth time! Hahahah.

    Interviews and interviewing. It’s an art form😉

  6. ai shiang: I think the interviewers/HR should go for creative class to learn more creative questions. Haha!! Those “other” questions are not weird.. they just reflect how “professional” some firms are in Malaysia.

    unkaleong: Wah.. can gimme “sample” answers or not? So I can “record” and “play” when I go for future interviews. Hahaha! Yes.. I agree with you.. it’s an art form.😀 And brother, you always leave your website address wrong one whenever you comment here. You do it on purpose is it? Haha! Anyway, I sudah corrected the web address.

  7. zing: That questions normally asked for high powered positions lah.. me clerk only. That is why I am pissed when they asked me the 5 – 10 years question. Haha!

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