Old Jokers

This weekend, my sis told me stories which had me in stitches.

Story #1

My third aunt was here for a short visit. She was watching tv in my sis’ room. Awhile later, she went downstairs to help out in the kitchen to prepare lunch. Then it was my sister’s turn to watch some DVDs. She couldn’t find the remote control. So, she resorted to manually operated the DVD player. Then, she found my aunt’s handphone in the room. So, she left it on the bed and went to take a shower.

As soon as she got out from the shower, the remote control miraculously appeared on her bed. She went downstairs to have lunch and told my third aunt that, she has left her handphone upstairs in her room.

My third aunt said – “Yes, I took it just now. I mistook the remote control as my handphone so I took it downstairs. It happened to me before. When my handphone is ringing, I would always answer the remote control!

Story #2

There’s a renovation going on at the new neighbour’s place 2 houses away from mine. The neighbor was kind enough to assist us with our house repair – the roof leak and also the bathroom leak. So, his handy man has been coming to our house to help out.

At first, my mom was commenting on the handy man’s appearance.

“The handy man looks like a drug addict. He’s so skinny and dark! But today, I see him as if he has put on weight and he actually looks very good now!”

Then, my first aunt said to her, “Of course. You are referring to two totally different people!”

There are two different handy men with the same built had been coming to our house and my mom didn’t realize it.

I tell you .. if heart attack doesn’t kill me, these old jokers in my house would!

Seven Eleven

Mom always forgets her own birthday. She would just go through it without realizing till we ask her if she wants to have KFC. Then she would ask, what is the occasion? We will say, it’s your birthday! Now she will never forget her birthday, thanks to sis.

Mom: I always forget when is my birthday!

Sis: Easy to remember mah! 7-11. July, 11th.

Mom: Aiyoh.. no wonder hard life lah.

Sis: Why ah?

Mom: 7-11, open 24 hours a day, 7days a week. No wonder, I work and work and work endlessly! Just like 7-11!

Mom, she sure has wicked sense of humour!

Internet is God

Over the weekend, we received a visit from our new neighbor. Mom was attending to her and they had small talks. After the chat, mom was alarmed to know that the prosperity plant in front of my house porch has potential hazardous chemical. She demanded it to be disposed instantly!

Mom: The plant has chemicals that cause cancer you know!

Me: What? How?

Mom: The aunty said, in certain days of the month, chemicals will be released from the plant and if we inhale it, we will get cancer.

Me: It has been there so many years lah! Some more people envy us for this plant because we manage to grow it like no other. It’s a symbol of prosperity!

Mom: No no.. take away and throw it! It’s poisonous!

Sis: I read it on the internet before. It’s poisonous!

Me: Really?

Mom: I also don’t know you play what internet! Things like these also you don’t know!

Me:… So if I “play” internet, then I can become doctor also lah! Can cure all kinds of disease! Can even resurrect the dead! My! I can be Jesus Christ!


Mom is a bit kuajiong in this matter but, then I googled up the poisonous plant. Apparently, it is only poisonous if you consume it. Afterall, who on earth would want to eat that glossy plant. It sure looks nice, but not in appetizing sort of way. Here’s the search if you want to read about it.

So people, don’t take for granted what people tells you. Take some time to do your research. Like my mom said – play internet everyday how come you don’t know! Haha!

Territorial Pissing

A few weeks ago, a new neighbor arrived 2 houses away from mine. The previous neighbor was a quiet one. They mind their own business and we mind our own. They are in pasar malam business, selling plastic ware. They have been there for as long as I could remember. We even took the bus together once to town and engaged in a small talk. The girl I spoke to is now married with children.

When the new neighbor came, we were rather restless. They did their renovation till after 12 am! It’s really crazy to be hearing drilling sounds at 1 am! And it was a working day the next day! The next morning, our immediate neighbor complained about the noise. It didn’t affect us much because we were 2 houses away but the neighbor who is sandwiched between the new neighbor and my house was affected. So, my mom told the neighbor to call the police the next time they ever do drilling in the middle of the night again.

We were lucky that the drilling stopped. I am not too sure if the old neighbor threatened them to call the police. The new neighbor’s children have cars fitted with big exhaust pipes! In the middle of the night, you could hear them stepping on gas even if they are just moving their cars to park at the opposite side of the road. It’s really crazy. We kinda miss the old neighbor even we didn’t talk much to them. At least, they are not nuisance!

As we go along, I thought that these neighbors would be a future headache. We didn’t get along well on the first impression. Somehow, last night’s meeting sort of put our worries at ease. My aunt went to request the broken bricks from their renovation to be placed in our garden, but the neighbor offered us new bricks instead.

We engaged in small talks and eventually found out about them more. The new neighbor is a contractor and he bought the house because his wife wanted to move into this neighborhood. We also found out about the neighbor living next to this new neighbor. Apparently, they are inconsiderate lot. They are very rude and territorial. If you just park in front of their house to unload things from your car, they would come out and immediately shoo you away. They can’t even give and take.

Our old neighbor was very worried that we might ended getting a terrible neighbor but somehow, I think the new neighbor is okay. If only we take some time to get to know them, perhaps, we could work things out.

Having said this, remember the neighbor who let the air out of my bro-in-law’s car because we park behind their house? Well, my colleague who happened to stay opposite my house also faced the same problem with his neighbor. His neighbor is even worse. Your car cannot pass the line between your house and theirs. They would scratch your car or let the air out of your car tyres. Since they don’t let you park one cm into their house, my colleague park his car opposite his own house. Guess what? The neighbor came out and scold them because – they planted two trees in front of their houses and claimed that the spot belongs to them as well!!

Why are they so abusive? This entire neighborhood does not belong to them only! Apparently, I heard the wife is the abusive one because her husband is an inspector. Inspector so what? Inspector my ass! Please remember your husband’s salary is being paid by us – the tax payors. So bloody inconsiderate! Anyway, I advise my colleague to give into the demands of this psycho bitch because it’s not worth it to be arguing with an animal. They don’t understand human language anyway!

I was secretly hoping that our vandals neighbor would be neighbors with the inspector’s psycho bitch so that we all can have some dramas everyday! I guess that is why you have news of neighbors killing each other. It’s because of this stupid territorial pissing attitude. Is it very hard to take some time to talk things out and resolve things rather than resorting to such cowardice act?

No Expectation

I am getting lazier and lazier by the day. I think most part of it is probably due to my weight. Well, if you have to carry a full weight of a beached whale on your body the whole time, trust me, you don’t want to go anywhere. You just want to stay put at home, in front of the tv, and eat potato chips.

The Cantonese series, Rosy Business gave me a valid reason not to go anywhere during weekdays. I actually prefer to stay home and continue watching that drama series. I wish it would never end. But it’s coming to an end this Thursday. Oh, I so dread the day it ends!

Gone are the days of gallivanting. Somehow after you hit mid 30s, you would be so lazy to even look presentable. Haha! I just simply don’t care anymore. I still remember when I was in my 20s – fuah, I think the biological need to find a mate is stronger. I was very interested in guys when I was in college. Now, I am more interested to catch every episode of Glee and getting enough sleep. I simply don’t have time to feel lonely or sad or depressed for not having a boyfriend. Haha. Sometimes, when I happened to stumble upon teenagers’ blogs, it reminded me of how naïve and silly I was in yesteryears. Most things which seemed to be too big of a deal are nothing to me now. Nothing seems to surprise me anymore.

Is it good or bad not to have any expectations in life?