I was looking at my long lost friends’ details in their Facebook. 16 years after we all went our separate ways after college. Most of my friends are now married with children. There are still a handful of us, who are the jolly singletons. Not sure whether it’s a real joy being single or not, afterall, we couldn’t see the “unhappiness” masked behind photos of holidays or doing something adventurous.

To be realistic, I guess most of us just prefer to share happy things instead of sad news. I think nobody in their right minds would write on their Facebook’s status – I just lost my job or I just broke up with the love of my life or I am so sad and lonely.

I was down with terrible sore throat, incessant coughs and flu for the long weekend that I had to take 2 days off on Thursday and Friday to sit home to nurse the heaving lungs. I really hate being sick. As I slept the weekend away, I’ve been bugged with terrible dreams. I couldn’t remember what the dreams are all about but they were sad, sad dreams.

I woke up, accessing my current state, looked at myself in the mirror and thought to myself. This is not the life I wanted. I don’t want to be confine in a normal office job with no challenges except having to have a positive attitude to deal with morons at work place. I don’t feel safe staying in the current house with no guards. I don’t feel any security in my job and even living in this country. Things tend to be overwhelming when you are sick and tired, I guess. Bad things simply blow out of proportions.

Then, a long lost friend buzzed me on Facebook to ask how am I and telling me that, she’s a mom of a 7 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. Believe me. I am truly happy for her! She’s this really sweet girl who always helped me with my Math when we were in A levels, which I am terrible in. Still am.

And she is still so skinny! And she didn’t even look like she’s 38, even after having two children. She is still this jolly self and not the usual soccer mom with life centered around her children. She travels a lot, has a successful business and a wonderful family.

That is indeed, I believe called a fulfillment. Something you have achieved in this lifetime that would give you good memories to live by till the end of your life.

Suddenly all these talking aroused the competitive monster in me which have been dormant for many years. I’ve come to a point where I think I am way too complacent. Nothing could be better than this.. of coz, there are still so many things could be better than the current state that I am now in. I wish I am living in another country right now. I wish I have a more fulfilling work to look forward to everyday. I wish I have a hobby or some work which would keep me occupied at odds ends so I don’t have to sit here, mopping around feeling sorry for myself.

I hope the physical sickness in me would go away soon.. and probably bring along the monster that kept stirring inside me now. Please go away, negative thoughts.Go away and don’t come back.

3 thoughts on “Fulfillment

  1. Hey there! You’re not feeling well too….. Me too… Been nursing allergies, a sore throat, fever and a horrifying dry hack for the past 3 weeks, no thanks to the haze earlier… I do understand how you feel … I too felt miserable and believe me, all of us succumb to negative thoughts, single or married… I guess it’s human nature to question life, to feel wary of the future and what it holds… Just to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this way… I’m sure it’s just a temporary setback… Am sure you will feel much much better when you are well!!! Wishing us both a speedy recovery….😀

  2. Hi Mei. Thanks for cheering me up.😀 Ya.. I guess when one fall sick and feeling all miserable, the bad aura would attract negative things.. so we have to continue to stay in positive light.

    Am not complaining about being single or married because, one can be married and yet miserable. One can be single and yet happy. Or one can be happily married. Or one can be miserably single… ok.. am talking nonsense here.

    I’ve finished my course of antibiotics now. Should be feeling good the next few days.

    • Oh good, good for you…… Looking forward to a happy post soon! Last night was the first night I managed to sleep without coughing too for the past few weeks…. Ah Bliss!

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